Words of My Soul

"Lift."  A few weeks ago, I was able to attend the sealing of my cousin, Kellee to her sweet Erik.  Oh, that was a tender day.  I wept throughout the whole day!  Like, I'm not talkin' just some little "awww" tears...I'm talkin' my nose and eyes got red and I wanted to run off into the bathroom and just let out an ugly cry sound instead of hold it in and give myself a "hold-in-your-cry" headache.  I just...I had so many feelings!  They were beautiful, good, happy, pondering-of-eternal-things feelings.  Without saying anything I shouldn't, I want to tell about a story the sealer told.  He told about how he has been married for some long about of time (I can't remember) and that when he and his sweetheart first got married, he loved praying for her.  He would pray for her throughout the day.  He would pray for her protection and happiness.  He prayed for her desires to come through and for the Lord to bless her.  He said that after they had been married for quite some time and his prayers just got a little habitual and mundane, he was quickly praying for the common things when he had a distinct impression saying "Well why are you asking me?  Be her blessings.  Bless her yourself."  He said he was a little shocked by that answer but that it was an important one for him to receive.  When he told that story, I lost it.  I love that!  I have been thinking about what love is a lot lately, and that is it.  I have been thinking a lot about the people who I love and have just felt so strongly, "if I could just lift them, even a little...what an honor that would be.  If I could just help bare that burden in some way..."  That is who I want to be.  I want to be a blessing to others around me.  "Where love is, there God is also."  Of course prayer is involved.  Of course depending on the Savior is the only way to live such love.  It is so unbelievably easy to get caught up in the day to day habits and to speed through the day just going through the motions.  But to lift someone...to slow down enough to truly lift someone.  That would be a blessing.  "Thee lift me and I'll lift thee, and we'll ascend together."  One of the greatest truths ever told.
"Fortunate" is another word that has constantly been running through my mind lately.  I am so incredibly fortunate.  God has blessed me in ways I can't express.  When I think of these blessings - when I think of what I have, the veil is thin and I feel God's love so purely.  Even in my small apartment in Logan Utah. Why me?  "Who am I, that this day, He should come to me?"  To have such wonderful people in my life?  To have had the experiences I have in order to teach and stretch and strengthen me? Someone who has so little to give back, that's who.  But I'll give it!  What fortunes we as children of God have to share!
"Sit."  Another word that, by what I believe to be divine intervention, continues to flash through my brain.  Just sit.  A while back I had a conversation with someone I look up to greatly and who I consider to be very wise.  We talked about how in some ways we were both in places in our lives where we wanted so badly to move forward and to be the "doers" that we are.  She said, "we have the faith to DO," but sometimes we have to have the faith to just wait until the Lord reveals our next step to us."  Ha, I kind of think of it like that one dog trick my dad used to do with our ol' Rascal (may he rest in peace).  My dad would make him sit down, then he would place a treat right on the tip of his nose and tell him to stay sitting.  My dad would back away slowly just telling him to "staaaaay, staaaaay."  He would do that for minutes at a time and poor Rascal just had to sit there looking at the treat.  It wasn't until my dad would wave his hand and say a loud "GO" that rascal would toss his nose up and catch the treat in his mouth.  That dog had some serious self control.  The Lord says we will be blessed after the trial of our faith.  Sometimes we really do have to just sit tight for a minute.  And that takes a lot of faith too!  Sometimes, I think, more than just going ahead and digging would.  I say digging because that same wise person who pointed this out to me, also told me..."Hannah, the Lord will move mountains but don't be surprised if He hands you a shovel."  Here I am!  Ready to dig!  Ready to MOVE!  Let's go!  But in a lot of ways, I have yet to get that "GO!" from the Lord.  Sitting and waiting for it, whatever "it" may be, can be uncomfortable and yet He is standing right there promising us that we WILL eventually get the answers...it's just a matter of His timing.  His plan.  He does find ways to make it more comfortable..."Here, have a lawn chair.  Here's some lemonade, a butterfly, encouraging friends, the Book of Mormon, the temple..."  Oh what a journey we all chose to embark on...
Lift, fortunate, sit...funny and seemingly completely unrelated words, yet words that fill my soul every day.  God is good and I am indeed fortunate.  So fortunate.

"This was not my plan."

"It is as truly a blasphemous interference with the prerogatives of Diety to set limitations or make fixations of time or place at which the divine power shall be made manifest as it is to attempt to usurp that power.  God alone must decide when and how His wonders shall be wrought."   - James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ

So I suppose it is about time I wrote this post.  It has been several months since I promised I would share it so here it goes.  

Let me start by giving a bit of a background.  Ever since I was in ninth grade I have known what I wanted to be when I "grew up."  I remember the specific text conversation I was having with a good friend when the thought even crossed my mind.  Then meetings with my bishop, even at that young age, continued to build in my mind the idea that being a children's therapist was an option.  After receiving my Patriarchal blessing the summer before starting high school, my way was pretty set.  See, there were several things said in that blessing that set me, even more concretely, on the social work path.  Pretty specific assignments and prophecies and promises had been laid out in my Patriarchal blessing - ones which the specificity of them even shocked my parents who had sat through each of their children's blessings.  

All through high school and my college years I knew what I needed to do.  No question ever arose in my mind about what I needed to major in, what steps would be necessary for me to take, nor arose any deterrent from my willingness to take those steps.  I was going to fulfill those assignments!  A couple of those steps would include going to grad school to get my Master's in social work along with getting my LCSW license.  Taking these steps was exciting to me and I worked hard to make sure I would qualify for them.  Well, the only way I know how to describe it, is that my heart started to change.  My mind started to lean in other directions.  Going to grad school became less and less appealing.  In a conversation I had with my mom, I told her that path started to look blurry.  This was during the end of my junior year when I would need to start preparing to take the GRE or MAT in order to apply to grad school the following Fall.  During the summer, it got even worse.  I honestly "wrestled" with myself about it for months.  The previous Christmas my gift to Jesus was, "I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan."  This very subject in mind.  Anyway, I prayed and prayed and had large amounts of anxiety about it.  What was the right thing to do?  How would I fulfill God's plan if I didn't go to grad school?  Then one Sunday during sacrament meeting, I had been fasting about it and felt overwhelmed with the answer that I was NOT to go to grad school immediately upon graduating.  With only weeks before my applications would be due, this was an incredible blessing and relief.  It came so powerfully, I had to write my thoughts down as they came.  I started writing vigorously right there in church.  My thoughts came as this:  the Lord's ability to make me fulfill the assignments talked about in my patriarchal blessing are not limited to this one path.  "How would I fulfill God's plan if I didn't go to grad school?" - where is the faith in that?  Thus the quote at the beginning of this post (which I happened to read just tonight.  Perfect).  It was like my perspective was extremely widened.  Other options flooded - and have continued to flood - into my mind.  

Well, because I'm human, a while later I found myself really questioning myself again.  What if I had ruined the plan or done something wrong?!  Then another confirmation.  This time in the temple, where I had been taught that I could have confidence in any answers received there.  He had already given me an answer, but kind Heavenly Father gave it to me again.  I wept as I sat in the Celestial room and felt peace that it was okay that I didn't apply to grad school.  

Okay.  Got that answer.  But then what?  I would have liked to think that I wasn't to go to grad school because I was going to start a family, but I don't know that.  I then seriously considered a mission for a while, but that faded.  Again, extreme anxiety.  Because I didn't know exactly what I would be doing instead of continuing in school, graduation became extremely daunting.  In the last few months I have felt almost lazy - like I was lacking in effort in proactively having a set plan.  People have asked me, "what will you do after graduation?" and I have just kind of said "I don't know...get a job???"  I imagined those people in their minds saying:  "Oh, she doesn't have a plan.  Nice one."  But even more recently, I have felt a lot of peace about the unknown.  Like I said, several options have presented themselves to me.  

For example, while in the temple (again) a couple of weeks ago, I was overjoyed thinking about one of these options.  I felt extremely excited about at least moving forward in that direction.  In that moment I was kind of in amazement that so much about my path had changed.  In my head I sort of bewilderingly chuckled to God, "Father, this was not my plan."  Complete relief.  I felt Him say in His kind fatherly way, "it never was."  It was never MY plan.  It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder and I knew that for now, the Lord was going to reveal answers to me step by step.  For now, I need to walk blind for a bit.  It is stretching me and it is so scary, but He IS guiding me.  Even though my path is not always clear, and I don't have answers, I know He is near.  I know He has not left my side and that HE has a plan.  I thought I understood it, and maybe that's how He needed me to understand it for a while, but He knows all things and will give me gifts and abilities to fulfill His assignments.  I feel that so strongly even now as I write this.  He will give me answers right when He needs me to know.  I feel so willing to move.  He knows that, so He will guide my feet.  In His time and way.  Oh, how strange this is.  All of my cohorts are saying, "I was accepted to so and so school."  "I'm going to grad school here..." I just kind of laugh and stare into space thinking, "I thought that would be me!"  Nope!!  Not now anyway.  Maybe next year I'll feel the need to apply.  Maybe now fuzzy things will become less fuzzy and I'll look back and go, "ooooohhhh...that's why."  Maybe not.  Maybe I won't know exactly why.  I do know this:  God is so merciful.  Jesus Christ is my friend.  They carry me and are ever near.  Nothing is our own.  The temple is the most important thing in this world, and the veil thin within those walls.  Thank heavens we don't have to navigate through this life on our own.  Thank heavens we don't have to KNOW our every next move and step - or even the path we are to take.  

Except one.  We follow the Savior's path.  Always.  

 

"For I Saw Him and I Heard His Voice"

I just love General Conference.  Don't you?   Not only does it strengthen my resolve to be a better person in the future, but it also makes me think back to the moments when I gained my testimony about the most fundamental principles of the gospel.  Elder Neil L. Anderson's talk did that for me this time.  He spoke all about Joseph Smith, remember?  He mentioned that we must all gain a testimony of Joseph Smith in our own way.  He then listed a few examples of how that is done.  When he said this, I was taken back to the very moment I knew without a doubt that Joseph Smith was a prophet of a living God.

I was just thirteen.  My family flew out to Nauvoo Illinois to participate in the Nauvoo Pageant.   I loved learning the songs, making new friends, staying up late playing signs, and visiting various church historical sights.  We would spend only two weeks there.  One week learning the pageant and one week performing it.  I have never sweat so much in my whole life!  

One of the Sundays we were there, there was what they called a Sunday Sociable.  It's now called "Our Story Goes On," but it was just the first year they did it so it was still being developed.  It forever has a special place in my heart and I go to see it whenever I can.  It was basically a medley of well-known broadway show-tunes put to a script about life and love and the pursuit of happiness, to put it simply.   A few church songs were also added or written to be included in the program.   I remember loving the songs and the uplifting messages but there was one that, as cliche as it sounds, changed my life.  The man who played Joseph Smith, Dallyn Bayles - a man who I knew well from Savior of the World and who I already greatly admired - got up to sing.  It was a song being sung as if by Joseph Smith himself.  It was Joseph telling his story.  "As a boy alone in a quiet grove, I knelt in earnest prayer..." He sang the words, 

"For I saw Him and I heard His voice.  And the answers that He gave me made my heart rejoice.  So now I testify.  I'll tell the world until my dying day.  I have seen Him - the truth, the light, the way." 

Immediately upon hearing him sing, "I saw Him and I heard His voice," I was completely overcome - head to toe - with a feeling I had never felt before.  It wasn't a line upon line, precept upon precept acquiring of knowledge.  It was all there.  Right then.  I knew it was true.  I knew Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who saw my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.  He saw them!  I was able to see Dallyn as Joseph Smith and hear his story as if it was him telling me.  Instead it was the Holy Spirit confirming to me that what I had been singing and dancing about for those two weeks was real.  I could taste it.  I couldn't control the tears.  I wept during the whole song.  It was one of those moments that I have previously talked about, where the ground shook.  At least it seemed to.  I ran up to my dorm room and cried and cried - my awkward little body didn't know how to handle this new feeling!  I felt like I was going to burst!  I wrote in my journal, and this is directly from it, "Christ is real and I feel so close to Him now than I ever have before.  Joseph Smith is real and I love him so much.  When I see him, I will thank him and hug him."  I grew such a strong, deep love and appreciation for the prophet of the restoration that day.  Most importantly, I recognized that if he was real, the Book of Mormon was true and I had an older brother and redeemer who loved me.  I felt what Joseph Smith said himself about being completely unable to deny the truth he knew.  

At the time I didn't know how unbelievably crucial this experience would be to my entire testimony, but I can honestly say that it was one of the most important moments and the beginning of my true conversion.  Everything changed after that.  Ever since then, I have never had a doubt in my mind that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon and saw God the Father and His Son.  Not a doubt.  It is instilled in my heart forever.  I think about Nauvoo and that moment often.  I can still smell it in certain hairsprays or lotions, the songs still get stuck in my head, and I thrill whenever someone tells me they are going to see or be in it...but nothing is as much a part of me as that bit of truth I learned that day.  Not much younger than he was when he was introduced to this gospel, it became real to me that day and has been ever since.  

How grateful I am for the miracle moments we are blessed with.  Moments when the Lord teaches us the most important things we can possibly learn.  I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God.  He translated the Book of Mormon.  He saw and heard Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  They live and it does, indeed, "make my heart rejoice."

#weddingweekend

So there was this one time when one of my best friends got married and then another one of my best friends got married the day after that.  For both weddings I was a bridesmaid and, don't get me wrong I loved it, but I am exhausted!  I have kinda been crashing today.  My cute roommate kellie-Jo got married and Meredith, a friend from savior of the world and roommate from Provo got married as well.  For both brides I was in charge of their bachelorette parties and had a blast throwing them!  Here are some pics!  

                                

                             

                             

                                  

Then came their weddings!!  Kellie's was first and got to do her hair and make-up! That was fun to be apart of despite going to bed at 2:30 and having to wake up at 4:20.

                               

                                  

                             

I adore Mark and my Kell Bell.  It's amazing to me how easy it was for kellie and I to connect when I moved in.  Her other two bridesmaids were her sister and her best friend since 7th grade so the fact that she chose me as one of them was so sweet.  We really did become dear friends quickly.  The reception was a blast and I even got to stand in the line!

                                   

                                   

                                    

                                  

                     

Then Mere's!  I have loved watching Meredith and Steve together.  He truly treats her like gold.  Even the way he speaks to her - the tone he uses.  He is so kind to her.  And they are hilarious to watch too.  It was an honor to be included in all of their festivities as well.  It was also fun because Meredith and I know a lot of the same people from savior of the world so it was a bit of a reunion!  Pics ahead: 

                   

                                   

                                  

What fun times.  Remind me that I HAVE to have a dance party at my wedding reception.  It's necessary.  So fun.  On a more serious note about attending a temple sealing for the first time.  It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  The veil was thin and it was so apparent that those marriages were of God - His presence and approval could be felt throughout all of the celebrations. The promises and blessings made in that ceremony are worth any sacrifice that could be asked of us.  I loved watching such dear friends experience such beautiful and eternal things.  I love the temple and I love love and I love our Heavenly Father's perfect plan!  

Now to go catch up on some much needed sleep....

Men and Women Alike...or should I say...Men and Women Different?

I need to get this down while my heart is so full.  I have been thinking about this post for a good while now, knowing that I needed to defend my beliefs, but not knowing exactly what words to use.  I have written, revised, and re-written what I think might be okay to say in order to explain why I believe women do not need to hold the Priesthood.  Let me start by sharing a little experience I had the other day.
Several of my friends and I drove down to Zion's National Park for a fun weekend getaway of enjoying God's good green (and red rock) earth.  We decided to hike the narrows - a hike that is 60% wading through water in a river.  The hike is beautiful, but finding the right footing in the bottom of the rocky/slick river can be pretty difficult.  We young adults slipped and lost our balance multiple times throughout the hike.  After we reached a certain point we turned to head back down to the base of the water hike but found an older woman sitting on the ground with her wrist in the freezing water.  She and her husband were hiking the river when she fell and broke her wrist.  We immediately offered her some ibuprofen and asked what we could do to help.  Her husband was making a sling out of a plastic bag when my cute CNA girl friend whipped out her first aid kit.  I watched as she kindly spoke to the lady and as she gently wrapped her arm in a sling and cushioned her elbow with a towel.  She was one prepared woman!  She nurtured that sweet old lady and provided her care when she needed it.  Half of us then walked further down the river while we waited for the rest of our group to come down with her.  I turned around and watched as my sweet friends formed a safety circle around her:  two of my good strong, guy friends held on to her waist and arms on either side of her as she made her way down those slippery rocks.  Imagine the comfort she felt knowing that if she did misstep, those good young men would be there to protect and stabilize her and not let her fall yet again.  I was so  overwhelmed with gratitude for those good boys who would be tender enough to offer this woman, a complete stranger, their strength when she needed it.  My mind immediately went to the Priesthood.  The Priesthood of God is never about benefitting and blessing ourselves.  Anyone who is benefitted from this power of God is benefitted at the hand of another.  The Priesthood is not about woman being "strong" or "prepared" enough as men.   It is not about women earning more responsibility and being promoted.   It is about blessing the lives of others.  The other girls on the scene at the hike were not competing or thinking they should be the ones holding on to the woman going down the river.  Everyone's priority was simply to get the woman the help she needed - everyone's individual gifts and abilities involved.  Woman with her preparedness and nurturing abilities.  Men with their strength, sense of duty, and willingness to help.
 The priesthood is about serving others and we women offer other gifts and ways to serve others that men do not.  God given gifts and abilities.  But besides that, it's not a competition.  Nothing about this gospel is a competition.  Our true competition is against sin.  And ALL men and women alike, high status or low, prophet or nursery leader have been drafted to fight in that competition.  I support my Priesthood holders.  I love watching the young boys pass the sacrament and serve us.  I love feeling the protection of a humble man of God righteously using this gift.  Yes it is a privilege for these men to hold the Priesthood, but I consider it an extreme privilege to be the recipient of the blessings that come from supporting and watching and encouraging the practice of Priesthood authority and ordinances -  even if I am not ordained as a Priesthood holder myself.  They are not the Priesthood.  They hold it, yes.  But it is God's power and we honor Him and His designs.
Despite "the need to be needed" (that everyone innately has) and my personal desire to give all that I can to this gospel, I do not feel inferior and discriminated against.  I do not feel that I am less needed because I don't hold the Priesthood.  Why?  This is what it comes down to:  I know my Savior Jesus Christ.  I have a good enough relationship with Him to know that He is not a being to oppress, discriminate or be unfair in any way.  He suffered for the very cause of justice.  I encourage, no plea with, you to come to know Him as well.  Come to know of His love.  Faithfully seek for answers of truth, not for answers of power and validation.  Come to know of your value to Him.
What are each of our priorities?  To be recognized with certain authorities?  To be considered equal?  To have numbers and statistics be exactly matched?  Those are not Christ's priorities.  Just like with my friends and the woman who broke her wrist - their priority being her comfort - Christ's priorities are each one of us.  People matter.  Not status or title.  The building of God's kingdom, requiring all of us men and women alike (or should I say different), should be our priority as well.   The perfecting of the saints - everyone's individual gifts and abilities involved.  It comes down to each of us becoming more like our Savior and preparing to meet Him again.  It is about helping each other get there as well by practicing the pure love of Christ.
I love the Priesthood of God.  I love watching my sweet male friends honor it and honor God - they seem to glow with the future godliness inside of them.  I stand by them.  I support them and offer the individual gifts all of us women can give as well.  I support the prophet and his counselors.  They are called of God.  They are His mouthpieces and I will crawl to follow them.   Joseph Smith was not just ahead of his time (a time when woman's rankings were just above prisoners) when he gave women places in the church, when his wife Emma was commanded by personal revelation to help in the building of Christ's church.  It was necessary and prophetic.  We pray and speak and expand scriptures.  We serve missions, we work in the temple, we create human beings, we kiss scraped knees, and wrap broken wrists.  Does this sound like a church that oppresses women?  Does this sound like a church that holds women back? (See Sherri Dew's "What Do LDS Women Get?" video HERE). No.  Not to me.
God has His own agenda, and if women were ever to receive the Priesthood, and I firmly believe that will not happen in this earth life, it wouldnt be because the human race petitioned it.  It would be in His time and way.
I know He loves us with a perfect love that we cannot comprehend and that He has a plan and divine assignment for each of us.  Man and woman alike...
Different.  

Feelin' 22!!

It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters
And make fun of our exes, uh uh, uh uh.
It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight
To fall in love with strangers, uh uh, uh uh.
Yeah,
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical.
Oh, yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines
It's time
Uh oh!
I don't know about you
But I'm feeling 22
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh
It seems like one of those nights,
This place is too crowded.
Too many cool kids, uh uh, uh uh (who's Taylor Swift anyway, ew?)
It seems like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming
Instead of sleeping.
Yeah,
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way
It's miserable and magical.
Oh, yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks
It's time
Uh oh! (hey!)
I don't know about you
But I'm feeling 22
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright (alright)
If we just keep dancing like we're
22, ooh-ooh (oh, oh, oh)
22, ooh-ooh
I don't know about you
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh
It feels like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene.
It feels like one of those nights,
We won't be sleeping.
It feels like one of those nights,
You look like bad news.
I gotta have you,
I gotta have you.
Ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ye-e-e-e-eah, hey
I don't know about you (I don't know about you)
But I'm feeling 22
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don't know about me (you don't know about me)
But I'll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh, yeah, yeah
22, ooh-ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah
It feels like one of those nights,
We ditch the whole scene
It feels like one of those nights,
We won't be sleeping
It feels like one of those nights,
You look like bad news,
I gotta have you,
I gotta have you.

Ahhh life is good.  And confusing and wonderful and lonely at times and funny and magical.  You know?  So!  That T Swift song sure applies.  Yeah, I'm 22.  I turned it yesterday and it was a fantastic day!  All day long I had loved ones calling me and sending messages of all sorts.  I went to class the watched some episodes of Parks and Recreation then fell asleep for a bit.  Then my parents came up and brought Alivia because they were tending her and we went to dinner at Elements.  Umm super nice delicious food.  Then my roommates threw a fantastic surprise birthday party for me which included balloons, cake, games and the whole bit!  I loved it
Also, last week was spring break so my mom and I went to St. George.  Also Adam and I had a combined birthday dinner (why haven't we ever done that before?) and we opened presents then.  And we recreated a picture from 1994.  It is now 2014.  20 years! I got clothes a book a swimming suit and my very first hot glue gun!  A crafter's necessity.  Isn't it funny how as ya get older ya get excited bout that sort of thing?  It was great!  
Also, this marks having my blog for 4 years now.  4 years!!  Crazy.  So much has happened in that amount of time.  My life is definitely totally different than I thought it would be.  Okay not totally but a lot.  And the best part is, it is all progress.  Sometimes ya take two steps forward and one step back, but it truly is progress.  I'm movin', ya know?  Plans change and people change and what ya want changes and it's great!  I love this thing - this blog.  It will forever be a treasure for me.  I hope you (few readers) enjoy it too!

Also, pictures!  Yay!

                                                        

Guest Post for 14 Days of LOVE!

Hey y'all!!  Be sure to check out the guest post I did on my cute friend's blog!  

You can find it HERE!

It's all about...you guessed it...kissing (features specific tips for guys)!!  

I hope you have a sense of humor and I hope you enjoy my somewhat opinionated instructions! ;)

A Red Marble Promise

Okay.  Let me tell you a story.  It's a good one.  Promise.  Worth the read, in my not-so-humble opinion.

So for a long time I had been feeling like I needed to get involved in family history work/indexing and all that good stuff.  I would get on my computer and see the little tree icon in the corner of my desktop and get a haunting pit in my stomach...then I would quickly facebook it out.  Well done, Hannah.  Anyweee, so finally the feeling wasn't so much of an anxiety or guilty feeling but it was more of just a need to do something.  Clearly the latter is the one that came from the Holy Ghost.  But I just could NOT get excited about it!  I couldn't bring myself to do it even though I knew that I was holding back as far as what I could give to the gospel went.  So this Christmas, I decided to make my gift to Jesus be that I would learn about and become more involved in family history work.  We take our gifts to Jesus pretty seriously around here and so I started going to the three week course of family history sunday school.  Then I knew I needed to sign up for an institute class but my schedule is all weird so in my brain I kept justifying NOT signing up for a family history class (guys, Satan can be tricky, k?).  So finally I just did it.  I just registered for the once a week class.  Theeeen I debated actually going because it was during a nice little break I had in between classes - a break that I would usually take a small snooze on campus during (like I said, Satan is tricky and plays at our weaknesses.  We all know how much I love a good campus snooze).  SO!  This is where it gets good.  And a bit more serious.  Wednesday night, the night before I would have to decide whether or not to actually go to this institute class, I had a good conversation with my roommate about how the Spirit works in our lives and how we need to act upon the promptings we get.  I knelt down and prayed and prayed that I would have the energy, motivation, and excitement I needed in order to make it to my class.  I knew I couldn't do it on my own because I am human and ridiculous.  GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!  Well, I went to bed.  BUT!  The next morning, when my tired wave usually hits around 10 in the a.m., I was wide awake!  I had a bounce in my step and I went into that family history class and LOVED it!!  I cannot even explain to you the joy and assurance I felt as I left my class.  I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.  A) because I knew that I had been blessed - that the Lord got me there and B) because I truly felt confirmation that I was supposed to be in that class.  Since then, I have found a few names, given them to my parents, and those members of MY deceased family have received their baptismal and temple blessings.  Then I showed my dad how to do it and HE found some names.  Then I showed my brother and my sister and my nephew, and THEY are now determined to do the same.  What a joy.  A true, you-can't-find-it-anywhere-else joy.  My dad told me how excited he was about all of this after he found the name of a Russon man who needed every ordinance performed.  I thought to myself, "imagine how excited he is."  Which reminds me of a simple scenario I once heard that describes the importance of family work, missionary work, and our promises to "our fathers."  I re-wrote it in more of narrative form, and it is not doctrine by any means, but it personalized it for me.  I'll include it at the end of this post.  Read it, I say!!!

So to make a long story...less long, let me just tell you how exciting this has been for me.  Let me tell you how my testimony has grown in so many different facets.  I know family history work is important.  It is necessary and is most definitely us red marble holder's responsibility to participate in.  If the family history bug hasn't bitten you yet, pray for it to!  Pray for some motivation and desire and help.  You'll get it and you'll be blessed.   Promise. :) 

Well done for making it to the end of this story.  

The End.

Actually the end is after the red marble story, soooo....GO!

It was what seemed just a moment after the final decision of how our Father’s plan would be carried through, that we all lined up - waiting!  Excited and nervous to see what color of marble we would get.  We knew that the choice of receiving a body and going to earth would mean hardship.  We knew it would mean forgetting, for a while, the face of our Father.  We knew it meant being tested, but we didn’t know whether or not we would have the truths of the gospel to accompany us on our journey.  That’s what we were waiting to find out. 

If you were handed a red marble, you would be born into the gospel.  Of course you would still have to experience you own conversion process, but with the red marble, the gospel would constantly be at your fingertips.  If you were given a blue marble, you would have to wait a bit before coming to the knowledge of Jesus Christ.  You would be lucky enough to receive it still in the mortal life, but just not immediately.  A while without the truth and assurance of our Father’s plan and love would be required.  If you were given a green marble, oh everyone dreaded the green marble, you would be expected to walk the world without the complete truth - without the promises that can so fully be ours with the ordinances of baptism and the temple.  Perhaps you would be born during a great apostasy, or perhaps you would live in a far corner of the world where the messages of Christ couldn’t be spoken.  Whichever the case, the green marble was least desired.

So we patiently...anxiously...waited to see what lot we would face in life.  Two of my friends and I stood in line next to each other tightly holding hands until it came our turn to break our clasps and hold them out for a single marble to be dropped into.  My fist clasped tight around my marble before I even saw the color.  I slowly opened my hand only inches away from my face.  Red.  A never before experienced surge of relief fled over my body.  I couldn’t have been more thrilled.  I would have the companionship of the Holy Ghost to get me through whatever I would face in life.  I would have this glorious truth.  I hurriedly looked up to see my friend’s marbles, completely forgetting that theirs might be different than mine.  Neither of them spoke.  They both just looked from their hands up to me with small, faithful smiles on their faces.  One blue and one green.  Their tear-swelling eyes seemed to say to me, “what will we do?  What will you do?”  “I will find you,” I said, sealing my promise with an embrace for each of them.  “Whether it mean I walk long miles bolding testifying of the gifts I will be given, or it mean I spend hours searching for your name on old faded records and certificates, I will find you with the Lord as my guide. 

Each time I go to the temple or share my testimony, I can’t help but think of my brothers and sisters I quite possibly knew, loved, and promised to help receive the fullness of the gospel. 

This is the responsibility each of us have.  This is the promise of which Elijah has spoken.  May our hearts turn to our fathers...and our mothers and brothers and sisters.  May we ever give because we have been given much.