Happy Birthday to ME! #3 + photo attack

I say #3 because it is the 3rd birthday documented on this blog.  Which means, I have had this blog for a little over 3 years!  Woot!  That is a celebration in and of itself.  Anyway,  I will now proceed to tell you about my 21st birthday festivities.  Ahem...

 So!  Usually my birthday falls right during spring break, but unfortunately my birthday fell right on the day that we all got back from spring break.   We just made sure to make the week leading up to it as amazing as possible.  First, my parents and I drove to St. George and just enjoyed the sunshine and a fun time together.  My cute daddy declared in "birthday WEEK" so I was unbelievably spoiled for that whole time.  "YOT21O" dad said.  I didn't want to tell him that you only turn every age once.  Kept that one right to myself, I did. ;)  We slept in, played tennis, went to a spa (well my mom and I did), went on nice walks, watched awesome movies (Oz the Great and Powerful...cute show.  Very entertaining.  I still like Wicked better though.  Also, Have you ever seen Touchback?  SO GOOD!!  I loved it.  The man in it is also very attractive.  That's a plus. :D), ate delicious food and ice cream, and did a lot of SHOPPING!!!!  We didn't get a whole lot pictures because we were too busy relaxing - ha, that's an ironic statement.  Here are just a couple of the lovely gems we picked out:

fun spring pants!

cute poka-dot jacket that is actually a lot more flattering on. :)
Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Anyway, when we got back from St. George, the party planning commenced!  My cute mommy gathered a bunch of things from her stake women's conference, and we were able to use them for decorations for my party.  We even did a little photo booth with props and hats and mustaches!  It was a complete success.  A few pics from the party:

Just some fun decorations - check out those presents!  

YUMMY treats my mom and I had a fun time making together.  Recipes to come, probably.  That strawberry mousse was an absolute hit.  Great for parties.

Games, of course!

The spread for the photo booth - the mustaches and lips were super easy to make.  Templates were online, and I just hot-glued them to shish kabob stick things.

The gumballs were a fun additions.  Who knew they'd make cute decorations?!  

So the pinwheels and big chevron circle things came from the women's conference, but my mom happened to have the exact same wrapping paper that the wheels were made out of, so I just made the little banner flag things out if it.  We'll be able to use them for other celebrations too!

Cute Kayc and Steven

Mom put out paper, sharpies, and a bowl so people could write cute birthday messages to me.  They were so fun to read through after.  I am so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people!

Some randoms.  I don't know what Lee and Adam are doing in the back there.  I'm not responsible.

So fun!

Here are a couple from the photo booth - I would highly suggest doing this for a party.  It was so fun!!
The background is just wrapping paper as well!  Just ticky-tacked to the wall.

Needless to say, the party was a complete...party.  Such a blast.  It was kind of a come-and-go-as-you-please party.  People just kinda did whatever they wanted.  Ate, played ping-pong or fooze ball, ate, took pictures, socialized, and ate!
Sunday, a couple guys from my ward came and left a surprise on my car!!  It was so sweet.  Each sticky note has some awesome quote on it.  It must have taken them forever to do!  I still haven't read all of them - it started to rain so I had to hurry and get them off.  Oh.  Chocolates were included.  Need I say more?

Then after church meetings, my family came over and we had a fantastic dinner and ice cream cake.  Everyone told me a reason they love me (a Russon family tradition for everyone's birthday) and my dad and brothers game me a beautiful blessing.  Possibly the best gift I could have gotten.  It's so amazing to me to be able to feel that special power in my home during my time of need...A lot of crazy things are going to be happening for me in the next several months.  Between best friends coming home from and going on missions, finding out about Nauvoo, finding out about the Social Work program, and just making big life-changing decisions in the next while, I wanted a little extra help to just make sure I am constantly doing the Lord's will.  That's really all I want.   I know His plans for me and for others (each of those things I just listed dont only effect me, but they effect people I love dearly as well - friends, family, those who will be taught by Nauvoo cast members, complete strangers etc) will be BEST!  I'm excited for whatever the future holds.  Adventures await us!  Sorry, tangent.  The photo booth was a hit with the little ones as well.  Going through the pictures after, the ones with my nieces and nephews made me smile the very biggest.  I just love them!  The only thing that could have made this better is if a very particular set of people had been there.  T Russons, that means you!!  I missed having my oldest brother and his sweet family there.

Adam got a little excited with his jello...

So this is what it comes to, Uncle Adam?!

bah haha

Oh.  Scott never made it over to the photo booth.  Punk.

Last but not least, Monday night, on my actual birthday, my roommates threw a little party for me.  Flowers, balloons, candy, cupcakes, ice cream, dear friends, singing, and lots of laughing were all included.  Seriously, how have I been so lucky with roommates during my college experience?!  So cute.

So there ya have it!  Guys, I am so incredibly blessed.  Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who have been a part of my first 21 years of life!  It has been wonderful!  To the memories to come!!  

Timid...hhhmsstttavhfiellsgkdslcwighcz

3.5 months, kid.  Shoot dang.

Today I'm feeling:
shy
hesitant
nervous
crawl-under-a-rock-ish
EXCITED!
self-effacing
inhibited
weirded out
EXCITED!
vulnerable
unsure
prayerful

oh.
EXCITED!

YOU are enough

 It was something I had been thinking about for a bit, but honestly, I was quite discouraged with my inability to get an answer.  I wanted to make sure that I was listening and doing the Lord's will above anything else.  It wasn't something that I was confident in because it was kind of against my plans.  Don't we all have plans for ourselves?!  However, one night during Savior of the World, I got my answer.  It was during Zacharias' and Elizabeth's song.  "We must leave it in the Lord's hands and not worry."  It was then that I decided to not sit in my fear, but to let the Lord lift me up out of it - that I could truly give this to Him.  So I did, and that's when I got my answer.  During the next scene of the show, I had absolute clarity of mind.  I was overwhelmed with peace that I knew could only be from the Lord.  I can count on one hand how many times I have had such clear direction in my life - absolutely knowing that something was what the Lord wanted me to do.  Auditioning for the core cast of the Nauvoo Pageant was one of them.  
There were times before auditioning, that I would get scared and want to back out, but I was quickly and gently reminded of the feelings that I had that night during Savior of the World, and there was no way I could or would go against that. 
The audition process was such a sweet experience.  I went in there feeling scared and intimidated and tiny and came out feeling loved and strengthened and empowered through the teachings of our Savior.  Before going in, Cami kept reminding me, "Hannah, you are enough."  There was no need for the feeling of inadequacy because what we each had to offer at the audition was all that was needed.  Our testimonies that we could share through the process was what would make the difference.  They had us sing and read lines from the show, and every time we would get done with a scene we would all talk about the principles taught in the lines and about the testimonies shared through them.  The lines from the show are absolutely inspired.  We were in there representing people who were trying to build Zion, and it felt like a little mini Zion right then and there - complete strangers were connected through the gospel.   The people I was surrounded by are my brothers and sisters and I could feel that!  

My favorite part was when I got to read as Emma Smith.  We were telling the story about how the Relief Society began and I loved getting to share my testimony.  Even though I was reading lines for Emma, I was still able to share MY testimony through the words.  I also got to read the line, “to know what it is to lose one you love and bare a sorrow.”  It’s the line of a lady who had lost her baby boy and found peace through the promises of the temple.  When I read that line, it hit me so powerfully that not only do we lose ones we love physically, but we lose loved ones spiritually as well, and indeed, we do bare that sorrow.  I was overwhelmed with the feeling that we can’t afford to lose any more of our dear brothers and sisters, and that we truly need to be a part of the rescue.   It was a humbling experience, reminding me of the work I need to do!  I felt vulnerable and see-through and open and happy.  Truly happy!  Walls were broken down, and my heart was softened.  By the end of the audition/call back process I was exhausted.  I went through such a range of powerful emotions and feelings and I would do it again and again and again in a heart beat.  To be able to give in that way was a blessing to me.
I have no idea whether I'll make it or not.  For this kind of thing, it is not just about the amount of talent your have, or the hours of experience you've accumulated...it is about what the Lord knows is best.  I was definitely NOT one of the more polished performers there, and I was honored to work with such people, but I felt that what I had to offer was ME.  It was Hannah and it was honest.  And I can feel good about that.  Whatever happens, something that was reassured to me through this experience is that I know the Lord has a plan for me.  Through His enabling power, I was given the strength to do something that was out of my comfort zone and to do something that has changed my life.  
I end my post with this:   Sometimes the gifts the Lord gives us are eternal, and some are for a short durations.  Whatever the case may be, we need to use those gifts as much as we can now and measure our worth not by the gifts we possess, but by the knowledge that we are sons and daughters of a divine being...that He loves us...
and that we ARE enough. 

"All About Your Heart..."

...and your heart...Ohhh, your heart.  It's among the biggest.

The Way

"One of the most popular and attractive philosophies of men is to live life your own way, do your own thing, be yourself, don’t let others tell you what to do. But the Lord said, “I am the way.”  He said, “Follow me.” He said, “What manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.” 

 I absolutely love THIS TALK, where that quote comes from.  It is beautiful and straight forward and exact.  I beg you to read it!  All that is unfair in this life is taken up in the atonement.  Faith and obedience.  Christ is the way.

"No institution, plan, program, or system ever conceived by men has access to the redeeming and transforming power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost. Therefore, while the Lord’s invitation to follow Him is the highest of all, it is also achievable by everyone, not because we are able, but because He is, and because He can make us able too."

Turning Stones.

     A lot of people have asked me why I am going in to social work. Ha, sometimes they look at me like I am going to be one of those weird Psychologist eccentrics that gets all uppity trying to find answers to everything through the scholarly theories of man. That's not who I want to be.  I want to help people.  Particularly the little ones.  So, I figure now is as good of a time as ever to tell why I love social work so much, and the development of that love.   I applaud you if you read this whole thing.   A little personal (and it is very personal) history (part of my application essay):

      When I was seven years old I started seeing a family therapist for various reasons.  I didn’t really understand all of it at the time; I just knew that it was supposed to help me not feel my “scared bugs” as my dad would affectionately call them.  Some of my “scared bugs,” or anxieties, included being obsessed with the idea that I was suddenly dying of heart attack, getting extremely sick from germs, or being taken out of my room at night.  I would constantly be checking my fingernails to see if they were turning purple.  If I felt any sort of pain in my left arm, I rushed to tell my mom so she would know what to do.  I washed my hands so frequently that they dried, cracked, and bled.  When I would make my bed in the morning, it was a little makeshift bed on the floor of my parent’s room because I refused to sleep alone.  It wasn’t always like this, but it was like this frequently enough that my parents decided it would be a good idea to get me to a therapist.  I would go for phases at a time, depending on my progress, then stop for a while to see how I did on my own.  I was put on medication at ten years old; that helped too.  It wasn’t until about ninth grade that we finally got my medication, and the skills necessary to control my anxiety, figured out.  It was also around that time that I started being personal and open and I would share, hoping that others would share with me in return.  I wouldn’t mind telling people about the troubles that I had faced, and sometimes still continued to, because in a way, it allowed for walls to be broken down and we were able to learn from each other.  Because of the things I had been through as a troubled seven year old, I understood the possible vulnerabilities that others might be facing as well.  Because of what I had been through, I learned to have a sensitivity to people and an insight to the unexpressed.  

Dr. Calloway-Graham said that she was fifteen years old when she realized that social work is a calling and that it was what she knew she wanted to do with her life.  July 1, 2007 was that day for me.  I was also fifteen years old.  I wept.  It was a sacred experience to me. I remember talking about it with my parents, and having a sort of empowered feeling knowing that so often the best kind of help can come from someone who has experienced, even in some small way, similar difficulties and that my life is not my own.  I need to serve.   I wanted to use the hardship I had experienced, and turn it into strengths that could help others.  July 1, 2007 was the day I knew I wanted to be a children’s therapist.  I wanted to do what my therapist had done for me and so many other little ones.  Ever since then, I have had no question of what I wanted to do with my life.   Ever since then I have only tried to amplify the qualities that I began to develop in my childhood and early teens - qualities of empathy, insight, sensitivity, openness, the desire to learn, the desire to teach, and especially the desire to empower and encourage.

     I recently finished reading a book for my SW 2400 class called Turning Stones.  It's the story of a man who was a caseworker for a children's welfare service in NYC.  Heavy read.  Super heavy read.  Not for the faint of heart by any means.  In fact, the first night I started reading this, I had a bit of a panic attack:  "Can I really do this?! Can I really be exposed to this kind of tragedy and live MY life happily too?  Will I be able to make any sort of impact on kids who have experienced these kinds of things?"  After a quick prayer and an email from my inspired dad (remember THIS miracle post?), I was overwhelmed with a resounding "YES."  While the stories that Marc Parent tells in this book are absolutely horrific, it is brilliantly written and inspiring.  In the last few chapters he tells a story about how a group of nuns went on a field trip of sorts.  They would drive all over their state, and stop at beautiful sights, and then they would climb right back on to the bus to go to the next one.  At each stop, one of the nuns - an old, fragile lady - would go off a ways, and simply turn over some random rock.  Soon all the other nuns started noticing, so they asked her why she did this strange ritual.  Confidently the old woman responded, "I turn a stone so that the place is different because I have been there."  At the next stop the other nuns, reflecting on her words, couldn't help but do the same.  Without letting each other see, they quickly flipped one over with their toe, or discretely turned one over while bending down to tie their shoe.  In the next few bus stops, they no longer worried about discretion, but were flipping rocks openly!  They began to challenge and encourage one another to move bigger stones!  They worked together to push over the heavier ones, and indeed, left every place "different" because they had been there.  

     Why do you think Marc Parent told this story after experiencing some of the darkest nights of his life?  Because it is what Social Workers do.  It is what I want, so badly, to do.  He said, after he learned the very hard way, that you can't measure change.  "I'd been quantifying my actions with the families I visited.  The lives I encountered were so thoroughly stained with hopelessness and despair that I saw nothing I could do in a single evening to turn things around - and if I couldn't make it all right, if I couldn't split the earth in half, then what was the use?"  The opportunity is to "touch a life at a critical moment and make it better - [maybe] not for a lifetime - but for a moment.  One moment - not to talk, but to act - not to change the world, but to make it better."  To me, that is in fact changing the world.  Small can be great.  Thinking systematically is hard and sometimes quite ineffective.  Thinking individually first,  and then working together to turn over even the biggest stones is better.  Micro, then Mezzo, then Macro.  Kinda that "pay it forward" concept, I guess.  Individuals matter.  

     I love the talk given in this last conference, "Protect the Children" by Dalin H. Oaks.  Beautiful.  Inspiring.  Encouraging beyond measure.  "We are all under the Savior's command to love and care for each other and especially for the weak and defenseless.  Children are highly vulnerable.  They have little or no power to protect or provide for themselves...Children need others to speak for them, and they need decision makers who put their well-being ahead of selfish adult interests."  

Doesn't all of this make you want to stand up, march right up to any child you know and give him or her the biggest, love-transferring hug you can can possibly give?!  Oh, I love the little ones.  I admire them immensely.  They are the ones changing the world!   I'm so excited to be able to give little ones any sort of light in these ever-darkening times.  I'm so excited to be enabled through the Savior and to learn to love them in the most Christ-like way my human self possibly can.  I can't wait to have my own - to teach them and give them everything I can. 

      It is a process, and accepting that we aren't going to "split the earth in half" doesn't mean tolerating big problems, it means giving encouraging words, kissing ouchies better, gently teaching a principle, allowing the sky to be the limit.  It means real change that we can do every single day.....

THAT is why I want to be a social worker.