The Pavilion

Several months ago, we had a lesson on President Eyring's talk "Where is Thy Pavilion?" You can find it HERE.  I started to think about my personal pavilions, and I realized that so often the pavilion that I put up between me and the Godhead is simply fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of disappointing others, fear of heartbreak, fear of not doing my part, and so much more.  It hit me hard during the lesson and I couldn't help but shed a few tears because of how sorry I was that I had let that happen - that I had been  so afraid and without faith.  I then envisioned myself literally stepping out of the shade of the pavilion, like the one in my church yard, and into the open light of the gospel.  I envisioned myself opening my arms up the the sky and feeling the warmth of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ touch me.  No barriers, nothing between.  Since that lesson I have tried to make sure to keep that vision in my mind in order to not let myself fall under the pavilion again.  At times I have felt myself worrying and questioning and inching back toward the dark shade, where sometimes it is easy to sit.  But upon catching myself, I jump back out and am again overwhelmed with the love and relief I feel from allowing the Savior to heal me.  It is in these moments that I have felt empowered and confident and at peace.  It is here that I feel that I know my Father in Heaven and brother Jesus Christ.  It is here that I know that I am entitled to receive the whisperings of the Spirit and the promises from the Lord.  It is here that I feel closest to Him.  It is a conscious effort that I have to make several times a day - to not be afraid, but to trust.  It is something I pray for:  help and strength to step out from under that dark place.  And it has made all the difference.  To me, this is what "the future is as bright as your faith" means.  At first I thought it meant that the more faithful you are, the less trials you will have.  That is simply not the case.  Sometimes the most faithful people we know are given the trials we would deem most difficult.  No, instead it means that no matter what comes upon us - no matter what trials we face - as long as we are faithful, the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ will always be upon us.  It means that we can know that we will be able to get through it with joy and peace.  It means we determine the brightness by the decision we make to trust.  To come out from under whatever pavilions we are under.
God is kind.  So kind.  He and the Savior are constantly shedding their light and love upon us.  It is up to us whether or not we stand in it.
As for me, I will do my best to turn my face upward - open-armed, vulnerable, tearful, grateful, confident, submissive, and truly joyful - toward the light.  

Golden Rule. So I Want to Be...

with people who build me, with people who include me, with people who lift me, with people who gently correct me, with people who don't make me feel stupid, with people who are genuine and sincere and kind, with people who will chuckle even if my jokes are dumb, with people who will speak highly of and to me, with people who will make me feel wanted, with people who will express that I am important to them, with people who will show concern for me, with people who will respect my opinions instead of instantly tell my why I'm wrong, with people who believe in me, with people who want to be with me  - not just my "hot" friends, with people who will trust me, with people I can trust, with people I can be confident around, with people who make me want to be ME, with people who be silly with me, with people who will let me finish my sentence, with people who will value my contributions, with people who realize that everyone has weaknesses - then accept them, with people who will care about me for longer than just right now, with people who will observe and be sensitive, with people who see, with people who speak kindly of others, with people who are tender, with people who will give me a place, with people who recognize lines, with people who will serve and be served, with people who are interested in what is around them, with people who appreciate the little things, with people who will go on adventures with me, people who will listen, with people who will make me feel awake, with people who will tolerate imperfection, with people who will share with me too, with people who will make me feel like I am beautiful too, with people who I don't constantly have to be on the defense with, with people who love me for ME - my imperfections, my complexities, my simplicities, my accomplishments, and yes even my failures, my giggles, my treasures, my silly voices and accents, my ponytail hair, my high tube socks, my love for talking about the gospel, my likes, my dislikes, my thought processes, my words, my deeds, my silence, my expressions, my family, my friends, my interests, my gifts, my memory, my optimism, my determination, my dreams, my past, my potential...Me.
"Thee lift me, and I'll lift thee.  And we'll both ascend together."

"Are ya scrappy? Are ya a scrapper?"

Gold star if you know what movie my title is from!  One of my family's favorites.  Ahem. Remember that one time I did a post about cards that I had made, but I had to delete it because I didn't have any more space for pictures on my blog???!!!  Well.  Now I have more space.  And I've been making cards.  Making various types of greeting cards has been a hobby of mine for a long time.  It started out as just scrapbooking (which I still like to do, but haven't for a while), then turned to making cards!  I love making them for specific people and giving them away.  I make bunches of them as gifts, and my parents ask me to make cards for them to use all the time!  There are a bunch on sale at the mortuary (like sympathy cards and thank you cards) that people can buy to use.  One time the owner of Flower Patch offered for me to sale them at the Flower Patch in Bountiful....I declined because I love it too much. :) I didn't want it to become a chore.  So yeah!  Sometimes I get ideas online and sometimes I just make it up as I go.  Some are more elaborate and some are pretty simple, but here are some of my favorites:

Love my Cricut cutter - I use it all the time!

Invitations for a friends wedding shower (it was in January hence the snowflakes).

This is done using brass embossing templates and chalk for color!  Love that.

The most common cards my mom asks for are wedding ones  for her to give at receptions.

I like making them. :)

I made this for my cousin's missionary shower.  It was a hit!

This is just a stamp that I colored in with sharpies and chalk!  I like how it turned out!

Apparently I am a fan of the little banner flag things.  And little jewels/pearls to stick on.

I love butterflies!  You can't tell in the picture, but I have a shimmer spray for paper, and it makes it all shimmery and fancy dancey.

I make a lot for baby showers as well.

More wedding/love. 

This is a heat embossed ink stamp (the embossing lifts the ink off of the paper  for texture.  You can feel it when you run your fingers over it), then I used soft pink, orange, and yellow chalk to color it in.  Picture doesn't really show it well, but this is one of my favorite cards I've made.  I duplicate it all the time.

Viola!!  

Thank you, and goodnight. 

:)

Bits and Pieces

I haven't been very good at blogging lately because most of my "thoughts" aren't developed or long enough to do entire posts on.  However, I have decided that I will just do several mini posts all in one post.  Savvy?

•  To start us off

Check out Pascal Campion's work, please.  I love the moments that he...captures????...It's not photography...umm comes up with in his head and puts to life.  Yeah.  Those moments.  

• This was me upon finishing work at the office today.  I was sooooo happy!  This drawing is actually called "Friday."  My thoughts exactly.  Only in my head it goes more like, "FFFFFFFRRRRRRRIIIIIIIDAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!"  Like that.  Only I didn't push my rolly chair away from the computer because my rolly chair is a little tight and doesn't roll very nicely so I probably would have made a fool of myself when it budged but a mere centimeter. 

• On a more serious and thoughtful note, I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to have a "pure heart."  I have also been thinking a lot about the concept of "manipulation."  Eeeh.  I hate that word.  I think we have all been, at some point, a manipulatee or a manipulator.  Thinking back on the times that I have been the manipulatee makes me absolutely sick about the times I  know I have been the manipulator.  On many occasions.  It's something I have worked on a lot and it feels so good!  Now, there is a difference between manipulation and persuasion.  I wrote and entrance essay to the Social Work department trying to convince them of what would make me a good social worker, and why they should include me in their program.  That is persuasion in a form.  But saying or doing things in order to have control of something in a bent or selfish way, is wrong.  My dad is such an example of NOT doing this.  He is so pure in his intentions.  He is straight forward and doesn't have hidden intentions or motives behind anything he does or says with anyone he encounters.  So much like the Savior.  He says what he means and if he says something, he means it.  The saddest part of the manipulation concept is that it is often our closest friends or family who we seem to do this too.  I see this all the time in my friends dating relationships, and especially on TV or in movies.  That is not kind, or selfless love at all!!  Did you know that manipulation is actually a form of abuse?  Learning a lot about home relationships in SW, manipulation is a form of verbal abuse!  I have friends in the program who have experienced it and were lucky enough to recognize that they were being unfairly manipulated and got out of the situation!  Obviously those are extreme cases, but man, people can be good at manipulating others.  Again, my dad is a fantastic example of NOT doing this.  I have NEVER seen him be manipulative with my mom.  He is honest with her and genuinely concerned about her wants and her opinions - ABOVE his own.  And the thing is, for both my parents, as the other's wants and needs are met, so are their own.  They are never sneaky or wordy.  Unless they are planning surprise gifts for each other.  :)  That is what I want to strive for.  Not just in dating and finding my eternal companion, but in every interaction that I have.  I want to be selfless in my motives and honest with what my intentions are.   Straight forward.  I want to have a pure, see-through heart.  Okay this one could have been its own post. 

• To any prospective husbands of mine out there.  Lets just all remember that one day, I will have a perfect resurrected body - free of zits.  Yeah...just keep that in mind...I have to remind myself of that quite often actually...cool. 

• Look, Bucky.  Don't go making judgements on my decisions in my dating life.  We are aaaaaaaalllll just trying to figure it out.  We are aaaaaallll just doing our best dealing with fragile hearts.  We are aaaaaaaalllll pretty bad at it too.  We ALL STINK at dating!  Seriously.  Name one person who is perfect at the dating game.  Movie characters do not count.  Okay? I don't see a wife hangin' on your arm; how would you like it if I started naming off some of the dumb-ish moves you have pulled in your dating life, huh?!  Yeah, cuz I could (not that I would because that is slinging mud and is not cool, but I definitely could)!!  This conversation in my semi-defensive head may or may not have taken place during a specific instant when I was being somewhat attacked for a misunderstood cause.  All in my head of course.  Just in my head.  One day we will laugh about it all!!!!  But dating is hard.  

• Speaking of dating, I have made the statistically unproven (personal) observation that the more juicy your life is, the more blog followers you have (or at least the more juice you are willing to reveal on said blog). Well.  One day when I am brave, I will tell about my life and love and "feelings" and...juice...on my blog.  One day.  

• I'm saying "one day" a lot on this post.  In all reality, I disagree with this statement.  At least on a gospel standpoint.  The night soon cometh!  The time is now!  Oh however that scripture goes. 

• Sex and love and marriage have become the brunt of almost every joke in the media.  I am disgusted.  Maybe this is an old discovery for some (good on ya) but for me, PG-13 has become very dangerous territory - close unto the Restricted's.  In movies, it's not even one whole lovey scene that you fast-forward through anymore, it is the awful awful jokes throughout the whole movie!  It is the jokes that make light of very very sacred and tender things.  It hurts me.  It makes me sick inside.  It breaks my heart.   Media, how could you?  If you only knew.  If you only understood to a slight degree, what you are doing.  If only.  

• I LOVE this song.  Listen, listen! "The more I eat I find, the more I am inclined to shout and sing hosanna."  I feel like I am at a point in my life where I am a sponge.  I am learning so much about the gospel truths and myself, especially myself IN the gospel.  I am trying to suck it all in, take it all in and ya know what?  It's true.  All of it.  It's real and I can't get enough of it.  I'm so incredibly grateful for my parents and ancestors who have lived their lives worthy for the promises of the temple - for what they have taught me through their words and actions.  We ARE going to live forever.  Jesus Christ LIVES!  Our Father in Heaven is our Father.  We are His children.  I feel like as I learn more and more, that it's not so much of me "learning" as it is me being reminded of sweet truths that I already knew.  It is familiar and homey and part of me...and I can't explain it.  But I know I am "a child of glory."  So.  HOSANNA, indeed.  :D

• Do you ever wonder if things on this earth are specific gifts from God?  I do.  I imagine so.  My dad loves to give gifts to his wife and children.  I imagine our Heavenly Father does as well.  All things testify of Him, but I wonder if sparkles in the snow are for His wife.  Or if the color yellow is for my mom.  Maybe spicy food is for...well for whoever the heck likes spicy food.  That one wasn't for me.  Flowers are for His daughters, and the eagles or lions for His sons.  Sometimes I think butterflies were for me.  He is our Father after all, and our Brother gives us these gifts as well.  I like to think like that.  My friend Annie is serving a mission in Australia right now, and in every email she includes several times "God is so kind to me" or "the Lord is so kind."  I love that!  It helps me think about the little ways His hand is in my life.  

• For anyone wondering, the S'mores blizzard at Dairy Queen is delightful.  Absolutely delightful. I truly enjoyed it.    

• If girls putting phones in their bra increases their chance of getting breast cancer at a young age, what does having your computer on your lap/abdomen/other things do?  I will be sitting at a desk with my computer from now on, thank you very much.  

Welp, that's all for now!  I applaud you for making it to this point of my ever so wordy post.