"My Lord and My God."

After watching this year's Christmas Devotional put on by the first Presidency, I am overwhelmed with love and gratitude.  What beautiful messages that were shared this year!  I truly felt the love of the living Savior while hearing the words of His chosen servants.
It got me thinking about a tradition that my family has had ever since before I can remember.  Every Christmas Eve, we do a gift to Jesus.  It's one of my favorite traditions that I fully intend on carrying on into my own family one day.  We sit down as a family and think about a gift we want to give to Jesus - a goal or resolution of sorts.  We then share them with each other one at a time, put our written down goal into a little frame and keep in by our beds throughout the entire year.  Last year mine was, "as I'm fed, I'll feed them.  As I learn, I'll teach.  I will feed His sheep."  These are some lyrics from Savior of the World - nothing says Christmas to me more than that show does.  I can't imagine Christmas without participating in, or at least seeing it!  I like to make my gifts to Jesus from the messages of that show because it has and always have a special place in my heart.  While listening to the devotional, I was just  flooded with awe that the Savior of the World died for me.  Can you imagine?  A babe born in a stable, destined to save all who ever lived - He saved me.  I am forever completely indebted to Him.  But as inadequate and undeserving as I am, I can still do something with the life He has given me.  As I reflect on this past year, I think of opportunities I have had to share and to feed His sheep.  He even gives me those!!  Oh, heavens.  He is far to kind to me.  "Our lives are the gift of 'what happens next?'".   So what happens next is me taking just another opportunity to make sure I share and maybe feed a few more sheep by testifying of Him.  I know Jesus Christ lives.  He rescues me and each of us in every way possible.  He is the good in everything.  He bore the burden of living a perfect life and still gave the glory to His father.  Our father.  I need Him always.  Every minute of every day.  I have learned in more personal ways than I ever have in the last several months that we are constantly under His wing - that He is in the details of our lives.  The tiniest of details!  His atonement covers every pain or heartache we could ever feel and He reaches out to us constantly.  Constantly!  His promises are real!  I know Him.  I know His kindness.  I know His love.  I have felt it and seen it and have been sustained and lifted and strengthened because of it.  He loves us in a way that we can't even fully understand in this life.  I know He lives.  I know I will see Him in person one day.  I so look forward to the day when I can fall at His feet, bathe them in my tears and say, "my Lord and my God."
He lives, my friends!  He lives.

Savior of the World 2012

Yet another year of participating in Savior of the World has come and gone, and of course I have to share some of my thoughts about it.  It has taken a bit of time to write it all down because I have been trying to gather my thoughts about it.  There are so many things and experiences that I would love to share, but honestly I couldn't convey through words just how amazing being a part of this miraculous show, feeling the Spirit in such a special and personal way, and coming to know some of the most tender souls, really is.
Each time I have been in Savior of the World, it has been a different experience with different lessons to learn and different things to improve on.  Each time though, my relationship with my Savior has been strengthened and each time I have been blessed to get close to and unify myself with some of the sweetest and influential saints.  We become unified in His work, and feel a love for one another that could surely only come from the Spirit and love of Christ - my brothers and sisters! People matter.   That is one thing that I noticed this year in particular.  I feel that this year, I have learned so much about how to love.  I have felt my heart open up in ways I never have before.  I have never felt such a true desire to love and serve selflessly than when I am in this production.  One of the purest, most heavenly kinds of joy can be experienced there.
 As you may know, this year I got to be a part of one of my favorite scenes of the whole show.  It was an absolute delight to be able to stand with such amazing women and testify of Christ - especially to children.  When we would sing Alleluia, I truly rejoiced with those sisters in the fact that Jesus Christ returned and lives again!  He conquered death.  At a homecoming I went to this year, my friend told about how before his first transfer, he asked his missionary trainer for any last bit of advice.  His trainer then grabbed his shoulders and looked him in the eyes and said, "Elder, everyone in this world is a sinner, and you are the biggest one."  Although at first that may seem harsh, his point was that each of us need the Savior.  Desperately.  Whether we sin great sins, or just fall short everyday.  It is such a humbling principle to me.  It is so true.  How merciful the Lord is to forgive us and teach us time and time again because He understands our imperfections and humanity.
I feel that I have truly come closer to my Savior through this experience.  I love Him.  He is my very best friend and I do stand all amazed at the love He offers each of us.

I Love Him

Joshua (little boy):  I still don’t understand why He had to die.  

Mary:  Come here, Joshua.  Did you know that once, when he was not much older than you we lost Him?  

Joshua:  No!  Where?

Mary:  Here, in Jerusalem.  For three days Joseph and I searched fratically, worried for His safety, afraid He was lost.  And finally we found Him.  In the temple.  He was teaching grown men, doctors, priests!  And he said to us, “Wist you not that I be about my Father’s business?”  You see, it was His Father’s will that He leave us those three days.  And for these past three days, when it seemed we had lost Him again, it was the will of His father He’s been doing as always.  That’s why He laid down His life, so that He could take it up again, and us with Him.  

Rebekah (little girl):  I don’t ever want to lose Him again!

Mary:  You don’t have to, Rebekah.  If you follow Him and keep His commandments, you will always feel Him near. 

Rebekah:  I’ll follow Him then.  Wherever He wants me to go!

Joshua:  What if we don’t know where that is, or what if we can’t?

Mary:  It is good to wonder about yourself, but you need never wonder about the Lord.
(My very favorite scene from Savior of the World, and this year I'm so excited that I get to actually BE in this scene.)

My...

My parents are my therapists.  Seriously.
My bird talks in his sleep - it's adorable and I love waking up to it.
My tummy is gettin' flatter.  Hazahhhh!!
My disappointment toward the ridiculous UofU/BYU bashing that takes place on facebook is quite fierce.  "Don't check your religion at the door."  Okay...don't check your religion at the facebook login.
My heart is confused.  VERY confused.
My nieces and nephews change the world.
My friends lift my face toward heaven.  Always laughing.
My favorite snack right now is the fruit kind.  Not real fruit, but fruit snacks.  Like from 2nd grade.
My mom and I aren't allowed to go into home stores (Pier One, Gordman's, Home Goods) anymore because if we see any on sale decoration of the butterfly variety, we buy it...for my wedding...I just like butterflies, okay?  If only there was a place I could buy a groom...
My eyes leaked lots and lots today.  Thus my nose did as well.
My soul is restless.
My world has been rocked by digital scrapbooking.  Hello, a whole new way to spend and spend and spend money.  Great.
My Savior of the World career has not yet ended.  Round 8.....9???  Miriam.  Red cast.  District Leader!!!  Get tickets. :)
My.......zzzzZZZzzzz.......my bed is calling.
Word.

One Last Post...for now.

Now that Savior of the World is over, I thought I would share some of my feelings about it in one last post.  My experience in Savior of the World this year has been nothing short of a miracle in my life.  This is heaven here at the conference center.  Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved the feeling of being in this place. The joy that comes from being surrounded by saints joined in the unity of sharing the Savior's message is something that I can't explain or compare anything to.  This place is a mini Zion.  The relationships I have built, my strengthened testimony, and the opportunities that I have had to share this gospel with others have change my life forever.  I don't even feel like the same person anymore.  I have grown, and am much more confident in my relationship with my Savior.  I love Him.  I have loved testifying of Him.  As I have done so, I have felt just a small something of the love He has for His other sheep - for all His sheep!  I love them too!  Since being in this show, and as this new year begins I have thought a lot about the relationships that we, as children of God, have with each other.  I just want to share that I know that there is so much we can do to help and lift and even save each other.  We are told that one day we will be able to live with our loved ones forever if we follow God's plan.  Before Savior of the World, I only really thought of that as being my family, but I have come to realize that the gates of heaven stretch much farther than that for all of us.  I didn't even feel like I was saying goodbye to the people in the show, because I truly do love them, and I truly believe that relationships like these ones can be eternal as well.

This show has truly bettered my life and I know that through the Holy Ghost, others lives have been bettered as well.  This life is far too short to not take opportunities to love.
 Because we are loved first, we must also love.

Patronus Charm Memories....

Have you ever thought about casting the Patronus spell from Harry Potter?  The one where you have to think about one of the happiest/peaceful moments of you life, in order for you to defeat a bunch of dementors?  Come on.  I know you have.  Well, I love to think about that.  Mostly because I just like an excuse to try to think of those moments - the most powerful ones.  I love that we have the gift of memory, and I pray that I never have to be with out it.  It truly is such a blessing.  Here are some of my most powerful Patronus Charm memories:  Please uplift us all, and feel free to think hard about and share yours as well!!

• Not too long ago, my family was gathered for a family dinner, and I can't even remember what it was that made my sister and me laugh so hard, but we were laughing uncontrollably.  The best part was that our laughs are insanely similar, and so when she would laugh even more, I would laugh even more.  This went on for seriously like 10 minutes.  My whole family was practically in tears from just watching Shandee and me laugh so hard at each other's laughs.  Matt even caught it on camera, and it is such a treasured moment for me.   I KNEW that this is what heaven must feel like.  Just like moments like this, there have been countless times that I have sat back and just watched my family, feeling so much peach and the purest kind of joy because I know that I get to be with them forever.  
• This next one is kinda like Harry Potter's where he couldn't exactly pin in to just one memory.  This one is all of those moments that I have sat back and been so unbelievably humbled at the amazing blessing that my friends have been to me.  From the time that I was sobbing uncontrollably, and Becca just held me like a little baby, to the time that Cami, Danner and I just had a much needed dance party outside of Danner's car after one really long CATS rehearsal.  I can list so many more specific instances like these ones. Some of my greatest memories, the kind that I so look forward to being able to replay and watch someday, are with both my old friends and my new.   
• The fourth of July 2009.  I was surround by the people that I loved the most.  I had my whole family around me.  Including all of the little ones.  I had my best friend sitting next to me, as he held my niece.  We were eating homemade ice cream, and watching the little firework show that we put on every year.  I sat there, and felt more content than I can ever remember feeling.  I thought to myself, "I must be the happiest girl in the world right now."  Looking back, I can still feel that specific feeling.  It's so simple, but it is honestly one of the happiest memories I have.  
• Running up to be the first to get to each of my brothers as they first returned from their missions.  Okay so I wasn't the first with Adam because of a blasted AIDA rehearsal, but the family had already seen him, so they were all around to watch as we saw each other for the first time in 2 years.  
• Being there when my sister had her first little girl.  It was a miracle to witness, and I instantly fell in love with that little gift that came straight from our Heavenly Father.  The veil was so thin.
• The opportunity I had to share my testimony with a girl from one of my classes after I gave her a ticket to Savior of the World.  She isn't a member, so I knew I wanted to give her the tickets.  She brought her boyfriend and said that they both loved it.  That is about as far as our post-show conversation went, though.  Every time I saw her in class after that, I felt the strongest feeling in my gut that I needed to actually talk to her about it.  For days I prayed for the courage to share my feelings about the Savior.  One morning I told Heavenly Father that I was running out of time because the semester was almost over.  I asked Him for an opportunity to be put in my path.  Mostly I asked Him for courage to do what I knew He wanted me to.  Later that very day, I got out of a class early, so there wasn't anyone else around on the sidewalk.  Except for her.  I looked up, and directly in front of me, she was walking.  She was literally put in my path!  I had to chuckle and shake my head at the plainness of this answered prayer.  We small talked for a minute, then we talked about Savior of the World.  I shared with her my testimony of the Savior and of the Book of Mormon.  Although my words weren't eloquent or well thought out I knew, by the look in her eyes, that the Spirit had told her what I couldn't.  I walked away from that with so much joy in my heart.  I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.  I felt so close to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.  I was amazed and so grateful that they would allow little ME to be a part of their great work.  I will never forget this powerful, testimony strengthening experience.  It is an easy go-to for a Patronus spell.  That is for sure.  

Well!  Those are just a few of some of my favorite memories!  I have so many more - some simple and some elaborate,  some old and some new - but the important thing is that I have them.  Take the time to think about your favorite memories, and don't forget to thank the one that allowed for you to have them. Thanks for letting me share!

Angels Among Us

One of the reoccurring thoughts that I have had in the last couple performances of Savior of the World, is the idea that angels truly are among us.  I have met so many wonderful people in this show.  People who for various reasons have been angels to me.  Truly the Lord has stretched His hand out to me THROUGH these people.  Also, as a member of the cast, I spend a lot of time up on the colonnade portraying an angel. It has given me a lot of time to think about the real angels - those who have gone before, or have yet to come - that surround each of us through every moment of every day.  I have been thinking about them a lot.  We talk about them a lot in our cast meetings, and miracles have happened because of it.
Last night, I had a particularly amazing and special experience.  I am named after my great great grandma, Hannah Simmons Gibb.  I have read her stories, been to the place she was born in London, and felt her near during trying times.  I believe she is an angel especially assigned to watch over me.  I try so hard to live my life in a way that would make her proud to share a name.  I so look forward to meeting her one day.  Last night, during the second act,  I got a little distracted from what was happening down on the stage below me, and I thought about my part as an angel.  I started thinking about what it meant.  Then my thoughts led me to think about the real angels around me.  I started to picture them in my mind, watching us just like we watch the stage from the colonnade.  Then I thought about my Hannah Simmons.  I was immediately overwhelmed with the feeling that she was there on the colonnade with me.  Rejoicing in the life of the Savior.  I felt that if I were to turn around, I would see her.  If we started singing, I would hear her.  I felt the spirit so strongly.  It didn't last long; maybe she had other places to be, but tears came to my eyes, as I felt my testimony of angels grow stronger.  Later, I was telling my mom, brother, and sister-in-law about the experience.  I told them that I wondered if it was just my imagination.  My brother told me to "not cast away thy confidence," and again, I got teary because of the realness of it.   As I stood there on the colonnade pretending to be an angel, a real angel - my Hannah - stood there with me.  I have no doubt that it happens more often than we recognize.  I'm grateful that the Spirit would let me recognize it this time.  "Loved ones long now gone are here with us today.  They're in the things we do.  They're in the words we say."  I am grateful for the angels, both here and beyond the veil, that truly do surround us.

But to Learn

Savior of the World is changing my life.  In so many ways.  In good ways.  In sometimes painful, but very good ways.  Our Father in Heaven is a father of mercy.  I feel so humbled by all that is happening in my life.  

"Have you given up hope, Thomas?"

"Hope, no.  But my demands, yes."  

I feel like layers of fear, stubbornness, and pride are being stripped away from me.  That's what I mean by painful.  However, the pain leads me to feel the purest kind of peace that only comes from recognizing my nothingness compared to the Lord and His all-knowing majesty.  

It isn't just for others that I was told to try out for Savior of the World.   I have begun to accept the unknown that lies ahead - it is for me.  

"Trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises.  In His due time. " 

Savior of the World

I MADE IT!

:)

Savior of the World Auditions

I think it is a good time to tell you about the experience I had when I tried out for Savior of the World last week. It was so amazing!  The church is true!
I have felt the strong need to try out for Savior of the World this year, and Wednesday I had my audition.  I don’t know if you knew this, but ever since I was little tiny, it has been my dream to be Mary in that show.  Anyway, so Adam helped me prepare a song to sing, and I was feeling pretty good about it.  I went into my audition, and saw a lot of familiar faces, and talked with people that I have know for years. That sort of calmed my nerves.  They took about 8 of us into a room and we all sang our songs, and I felt really good about mine, and the director had some very nice things to say about my performance. Next they took all of us into a room for further auditions.  I thought I would be done after singing!  So they had us read lines from the show.  It just so happened, wink wink, that we read from one of my favorite scenes in the whole show.  I don’t know if you remember the part, but it’s when all the women are preparing to meet Christ after He had risen, and the little children are asking them a lot of questions.  They take it as a teaching opportunity to tell about the Savior and why He had to die.
I got to read for MARY from my FAVORITE part of the show.  As soon as I started talking to the little boy, I lost it.  I couldn’t read the paper.  I could hardly get the words out.  I was so overwhelmed with the spirit, and I was baring my testimony through those lines.  Mary explains that when Christ was 12, she and Joseph lost him for 3 days.  He told them that he was going about His Father's business.  Mary relates it to how for 3 days after the Savior died, it felt as if they had lost Him again, but that it was again His Father's will.  He died so that He could take up His spirit, and us with Him.  It felt so real to me, and I knew it was all true. I seriously wept!  For like 10 minutes.  Everyone else in the room was crying too.  It was such an amazing experience for me.  All of us in the audition basically became best friends, and we just gave each other big hugs even though it was the first time we had ever met.  We are brothers and sisters in the gospel, and that knowledge brought us together at that time.  Even if I don’t make Savior of the World, I am so grateful for that opportunity.  I love my Savior so much, and “will follow Him whereEVER He wants me to go.” :)