Interest is Different than Like

Let's talk about something for a small moment here.  I have learned a small something about myself.  Sometimes entering potential relationships, I get scared.  Like super scared like a small child.  I back waaaaaay off, want to run away from everything, and hide under a rock.  Whyyyyy?  Pressure.  Expectation.  And above all...SPEED.   What the heck?!!
Take me on a few real dates before you try to cuddle with me!  That's right, I said a few.  Make sure you actually, you know, like me before you put your arm all up around me.  Let there be a bit of suspense and guessing and giddiness - no, I'm not talking about the game - I'm talking about courtship.  The real kind where I have to start asking myself, "well is he ever going to hold my hand?"  Then when you do, I feel like I did the first time a boy ever held my hand.  Then when you kiss me, let it have taken long enough that we both can't stand not having kissed anymore.  Really.  Cuddling doesnt have to be an expectation just because both of us know we are interested.  Dont let it me a customary gesture...let it be special.  When all of my roommates sit down to watch a movie, we don't have to cuddle just because it's a movie.  Too often the physical aspects of relationships progress before the friendship part of the relationship progresses and the relationship relationship has to play catch up to the physical relationship and THAT DOESN'T WORK.  It's not designed to.  I feel like since now that we are dating to get married, it's like we both know why we are there and the mystery of it all goes to pots.  Well if we are interested, we are interested and that means we hold hands and cuddle and for some, kiss.  No.  Blaspheme!  Interest doesn't mean like and only like means physical.  For me anyway.
One real-life relationship I was in, the boy didn't hold my hand for weeks and weeks.  It was the sort of thing where I would text my best friend after we all watched a movie and say, "why didn't he hold my hand?  Did I do something wrong?!"  Let me panic for a second.  You know?  We still had to flirt back then.  Then.  Theeen.  He waited even longer to kiss me. Oh.  By the time that first kiss came, boy.  It was time.  And I had never felt so giddy.  I'm pretty sure he heard me scream as he walked away from my closed front door.  It was waited for and worked for and well-deserved on both our parts.  We were best friends first.  It had to be a process for us.  A process, I say!!  Am I completely crazy?  I mean, tell me I'm not crazy for thinking this way.  Because, hey, I have been there several times.  I've experienced the non-commital cuddle.  It's fun for the moment, but you go home after and feel empty.  I'm ashamed to admit, but it's true.  Bleh.  No mo.  MmmmMm.
Interest is different than like.
Flirt.
Slow your roll.
Enjoy.
I'm glad we had this talk.

Guest Post for 14 Days of LOVE!

Hey y'all!!  Be sure to check out the guest post I did on my cute friend's blog!  

You can find it HERE!

It's all about...you guessed it...kissing (features specific tips for guys)!!  

I hope you have a sense of humor and I hope you enjoy my somewhat opinionated instructions! ;)

Things I Learned From Tinder

Yes.  It happened.  And I am ashamed.  And if you tell anyone, I'll give you a swirly.   I participated in the world's shallowest app.  Tinder is the name, and "the game" is the game.  Seriously.  Ya know how most people grow to hate the dating game? So they sign up for things like Tinder?  Well jokes on them cuz Tinder is game central.   Yeah, yeah I know there are a few success stories, but mostly...not.  Just not.  However, I had a several good laughs from some of the unbelievably ridiculous things some of the guys would say, or some of the pictures they would post.  Seriously?  Word to the wise, dude, don't have your profile picture for a dating app be of you with two bikini bimbos kissing either side of your face.  You might as well have a large sign on your forehead that says, "playa" or "tool" or "gross" or the likes.  The following are some of the things that crossed my mind while swipin' through different profiles on the app:

For swipes "to the left. to the left.  Everything you [are] in a [swipe] to the left"

• No. 
• No.
• Nope.
• Absolutely not.
• Gross.
• No shirt.  
• Gym selfie.
• Cigarette in mouth.
• CIGAR in mouth.
• Baby (some guys on there were like 17!!  Really?  Try dating the girls in your own high school!!).
• Too old (yes, I did later on figure out that you can adjust the age range you are interested in).
• No shirt.
• No shirt.
• Gym selfie.
• That gauge in your left earlobe is big enough for me to jump through.  
• No.
• Baby.
• No.
• You have longer hair than I do.
• No.
• Shirtless (I feel bad for boys who use this app and see 8 million pictures of scantily dressed girls.  Unless they like that sort of thing...in which case I feel bad for the girls who objectify themselves by posting such photos.).
• I saw the word "cuddling" in your profile.  
• I saw the word "kissing" in your profile.
• I saw the word "massages" in your profile. 
• Twelve empty shot glasses in front of you.  
• No. 
• And last but not lease...no shirt. 

For swipes to the right, I usually just picked guys I thought looked like they were clean cut and well-rounded and had nice jaw lines/structures (one of my weaknesses, silly, I know).  A lot of guys post pictures of themselves holding babies or small animals.  Props.  Like we girls can't see straight through that, but props indeed.  Right swipe.  

Matching.  Haha well not much else boosts your own self esteem quite like swiping an extremely attractive guy to the right, only to find out that HE also swiped you right does.  Sure.  It put a little extra bounce in my step. 

I really hope this is their engagement picture.

Chatting.  So once the "matching" takes place, you and your match have the opportunities to chat a bit through the app.  It's safe because your phone number/personal information of any sort is not exposed.  It is all done through the app and you can block people at any point in time.  Anyway, the chatting part was okay.  My favorite first messages that guys sent me said, "Hey Hannah, I'm not a tree hugger, but if you were a tree, I would be."  "Hey Hannah, I see you like the way I look!"  Hahahaha!  But some of the guys I chatted with seemed really nice and sincere and mature.  Others...not so much.  

So.  Needless to say, Tinder is...entertaining.  Yes.  Effective?  Mmmmm...I guess it depends on what you are going for.  It's quite judgmental.  You know the saying don't judge a book by it's cover?  Yeah that's about all this is.  Judging a book by its cover. It's how you play though.  I joined mostly out of curiosity and kicks and very quickly deleted my account/app.  I'm not saying Tinder is bad by any means!  Don't get all uppity and defensive if you have used it.  I mean, power to ya if it works.  You do your thing, ya know?  For me...I think I'll stick with the old-fashioned dating game for now. ;)   

Transition

So, I've started dating someone.  Someone called myself.  Yes, it's true.  No, this is not a pity party, this is an empower-Hannah-because-she-feels-empowered party.  From spending a Friday night coloring a picture for myself to sitting on the floor next to my cinderblock supported bed of my college apartment while painting my nails and listening to some of my favorite songs and noticing that my hands are getting older (whoa run-on sentence)...I am on my way to getting to know myself again.  To figuring out how to have my heart to myself for a while.  To finding myself by losing myself.  Losing myself to my calling, to serving, to my school work, to being a true friend, to being an open book, to fresh starts - even the scary ones.  We live and we learn, don't we?  And LIVE, we must!!  Give up a bit of the control.  Palms up, ya'll.
Here's to drinking milk from the carton.  Here's to multi-colored finger nails and to songs that express what you can't.  Here's to building new bridges from the ashes of the very ones we have just burned - some we worked hard to burn, and some we watched burn without much say of our own.  Here's to changing the world one daddy-daughter date at a time - especially the Heavenly kind.  I like those.  Here's to feeling so small yet, big as the whole out doors at the same time.  Here's to sitting in the Logan temple parking lot in your car by yourself while eating leftover pie and crying because only four people showed up to your Relief Society activity.  Ha, here's to making funny faces without even trying and then laughing and slapping your forehead about it right after.  And here's to the transition moments in our lives when it feels like little progress is happening but in reality everything is preparing you for blessings that have yet to be put in place.
So, sit.  Get to know yourself a bit.  And heck, even like yourself!!  Like ALOT!  Because whoever really does get to date you one day is one lucky friggin' dog.  ;)  But until then, little girl crushes can bring you lots of joy.
I think this is going to be a very long, beautiful, fantastic, fruitful relationship with me, myself, and I.
God is good.
Cheers!

Dear You...that's right. You know who you are....

I swore I wouldn't do this.  I've seen other girls do this, and I have thought it was...well weird.  But, I have to this time.  I've come to the conclusion that I haven't met you yet.  Well, if I do know you, you sure aren't doin' anything about it!  Come on now, we don't have forever!  Ha.  Yeah that's funny that I say that cuz ha we actually do have forever.  Look.  What I'm trying to say is that I'm so excited to love you.  I'm so excited for that forever!  I'm excited to learn and grow with you and to make mistakes and to have to learn how to carefully say what it is that is bothering me.  I'm excited to trust you completely and to have my profile pictures be of you and me.  I'm excited to get excited when you come home from work or school.  I'm excited to be out-of-control giggly with you.  That annoying kind that other people around us cant stand.  Because everyone should have a chance at that kind of love.  I'm excited to have babies that look like you and to have coordinating family halloween costumes.  I think of you often.  I feel you close.  I pray for you often.  I pray that you are preparing for me and that you will know it when it's right.  I pray that I will know it too - that I will be brave and see you.  Really see you.

I actually dreamt about you last night - a person I'd never seen before.  And let me say, if you really do look like that guy from my dream...well win for Hannah cuz sheeewwt!!  You was gorrrrgeous!!  :)  Ha, I then spent half the day looking for you as I walked from class to class.  Just to see if maybe I'd recognize you.  Nope!  Not today.  Just around the corner, maybe.  Maybe you're in a different city.  Or state.  Or country.  Or continent.  Maybe you're a missionary.  BAH!  I've already done that missionary thang.  Mmm mm.  No thanks.  Not again.  Maybe you're four years older than me!  And done with school!  Oh that would be nice.  Or maybe we could go to the Library together if you aren't.  Whatever is fine with me.

Honestly, whoever, wherever you are...I know you're amazing!!  You have to be!!  (I'm kinda bankin' on that).  I know the Lord has a plan for me.  And you!  Forever really is just a heartbeat away.
And just so you know,
I loved you before I knew you.  :)

Shout Out...

"Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but theres also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along."  

^ This is my Cami.  Oh, my Cami.  Tears come to my little eyes and my heart swells just thinkin' about this sweet angel.  The story of mine and Cami's friendship is one of my favorites.  We met in heaven.  AKA:  Savior of the World.  Probably real heaven too - the pre mortal kind. We were just wee little ones.  Crazy little girls sliding on the rolly chairs in the dressing room wearing only our unders, playing pollies back stage, and really just running around causing all kind of havoc.  The rules that the production team have for little kids now-a-days were put in place because of Cam and me (so proud of the legacy we left there) :D Needless to say, we quickly became what we call "bosom friends."  Then I got some of the happiest news I have ever heard - she was moving from North Salt Lake to Centerville!!  I don't know why her parents were inspired to come to C-ville, except it was probably for mine and Cami's sake.  hehe okay maybe other reasons too.  Anyway, because we were so little, we didn't think to get each other's phone numbers so when I knew she had moved, I walked around Smoot Park looking for her, and she sat in front of her new house on main street, waiting just in case my car drove by.  Well, we finally found each other have never lost each other again. 
I often think about how our friendship was kindled in such a spiritual, close-to-God setting.  I think that is one reason why this bond between she and I is so unbreakable.  Our hearts grew being in Savior of the World, so we share some of the same molds that shape our hearts today.  Let me tell you just a few reasons why I love this girl so dang much.  
Cami has never ceased to be able to make me laugh.  Ooooh she makes me laugh!  Even at times when I think all that I need is a serious heart to heart cry session, she tricks me and makes me laugh to bring me back to earth a bit.  What a gift that is of hers - one that she constantly shares with the world.  
So Cami has a hard time keeping a cell phone.  She has a hard time answering her cell phone.  However, it's funny because while it used to frustrate me, we now just have a sort of...understanding.  I know she'll call me back even if it is four days later, and we will have the most enriching conversations.  She is loyal.  Unbelievable loyal.
Cami is in the world, but not of it.  I make it an effort to follow this girl's example and be sensitive to the unclean/unhappy things of the world.  We all need to be sensitive to the things we expose ourselves to and while so many allow themselves to become desensitized to muckity muck surrounding all of us, Cami does not.  She has such a tender heart.  One that is offended by the same things I imagine the Spirit is offended by.  Woman of virtue.  
Last but not least, Cami's zeal for life, and adventure, and discovery inspire me.  Simply inspire me. The enthusiasm she speaks with, the excitement yet vulnerability in her outstretched arms as she opens them to give the sky an embrace, the testimony she bares, and the love that she gives are all manifestations that God lives.  She witnesses of Him through her life.  She is a disciple of Christ.  She is a delight to all who know her. She lifts and buoys me up.  She makes me want to be better.  She is a friend of the truest kind, and I could never fully express my gratitude for her.  
Well, there is a little bit of Cami for ya.  Unfortunately, I still haven't purchased more space on my blog for pictures, so words will just have to do for now.  
Cami, I love you forever, my bosom friend! 

Shout Out...

...To Brenna...

Brenna.  Bren.  Brenzie.  B-ren.

This is Brenna McFarland.  And I love her a lot.  She's pretty awesome.  Brenna and I have been friends since we were little tiny.  I can't even remember the first time I met her, it was that far back.   Growing up, one minute we would be in a fight, then five minutes later we would be sticking fresh peas from the garden and a note of apology under the other's bedroom door.  Back to playing right after!  Bren and I are pretty dang different.  Opinions, sense of humors, sometimes priorities etc...but still...we seem to get each other pretty well.  We know each other's buttons and we know the lines not to cross.  Don't you dare cross any of those lines while she and I are together because the other will be right on your tail about it  - sticking up for the one attacked.  I love Bren because she unfailingly makes me laugh.  She's hilarious!  And we are hilarious together!  Playin' off of each other's jokes and all.  Brenna loves and let's love.  She has a way of making heavy things much lighter (without discrediting its actual hardness).  It just makes some of the hard things in life much more bearable.  She is honest and real, but kind and thoughtful.  She is ALWAYS herself - never two faced. The little things matter to her, and she helps others to realize their importance as well.  She is, in my opinion, very intelligent and logical, but has a heart of gold as well.   Bren is such an example to me of obedience.  She is obedient because she loves the Savior and does whatever He asks and expects.  I was lucky enough to live with Brenna for two years and not once did I see her skip her scripture reading/journal writing/prayer saying routine at night.  Not once did I see her refuse to do a calling, or do her visiting teaching.  It will be weird to not live with this girl anymore.  I am going to miss it like crazy!  I love it when Brenna laughs and I love it when Brenna sings.  I love that she loves Taylor Swift and finds joy in her music.  Heck, I just plain LOVE my Bren!  I love that she and I will be friends forever and I cherish the memories we have already made and the ones we have yet to make!

...To Becca...

Rebecca.  Becs.  Becca.

This is Rebecca Anne Cowan.  I love her a lot as well.  Obviously.  Becca and I have been friends since 7th grade.  However, we didn't get along for the first while that we knew each other because one time at one of my very first dances, she came up to me in the middle of dancing with a really cute boy and she told me I was doing it wrong.  It's okay...I made up for that a while later when I tackled her to the cement in 9th grade.  Now its just a whole bunch of lovin'!  Becca.  Becca.  Becca.  She is an angel.  She is a feisty, firecracker of an angel and it makes me love her that much more.  What a hoot!  Becca is the kind of girl who is selfless no matter what.  Asking her to do a favor doesn't happen because there is no need to ask.  She is already doing it, or offering to do some kind deed.  She notices and appreciates, more than a lot of people I know, the little things like the color and detail of a complete stranger's eyes, or someone's bracelet or ring.  She sees.  And what's better - she shares.  She shares the good things in life and helps me and so many others around her, to love life even when we don't feel like loving it quite so much.  She never ceases to be able to talk some sense into me with all of the wisdom that is bundled up in that little lady.  She is one of the most empathetic persons I have ever met.  She celebrates my joys with me, and is sometimes even more excited than I am.  She also, hurts when others hurt.  She does everything in her power to help and let me tell you, she.  Is.  A.  Powerful.  Help.  I honestly can't explain just how much I love my Becs.  I don't know where I would be, or what I would do without her.  She pulls me and lifts me.  She looks out for and defends me.  I trust her with my deepest darkest secrets, my crazy jokes, and with my life.  She is an eternal friend and incredible example to me.  This world is so much better because of Rebecca Anne Cowan.  I am truly blessed. :)

My Best Friend's Wedding

Do you remember me blogging about THIS girl?  Well she is one of my dearest friends, and on Thursday February 16th, she got hitched!  I couldn't be more thrilled for her.  She is one of the smartest, classiest girls I have ever met, and I don't know her new hubby super well, but he is an awesome, humble, and hardworking gentleman.  When we were seniors in high school and we had figured out that she was going to Snow, I said, "Kayc you are going to go to Snow and fall in love with some cowboy and be one of the first to get married."  Is that exactly what happened?  Yes.  With a couple of twists and turns in their relationship, cowboy Steven and Kaycee did indeed fall in love and get married.  I just wish I would have placed some friendly wagers on the matter.  Because uh, clearly I would have won.  Anyway, here are some fun pictures from said event!  

So happy!!

Mmmmhmmm.

Such a gentleman.  Good job, StePHen.

Such a classy couple.

Brother came too!

See ya lata!! ;)

Best friends foreva! 

So, this was such a fun day to be so involved with.  My favorite part of the day was during the luncheon when Kaycee and Steven took turns giving little speeches.  Kaycee said how much she loved Steven and that she recognized that he would be her salvation.  She told a story about one time when they were in Sunday school, one of their leaders talked about how special his wife was to him.  He counseled the youth ward to keep track of where their spouse was because they would be their salvation.  In my dating and courtship class, we have learned a lot about the fact that we need our other half to make it to the highest glory that we can.  In THIS talk by President Packer, he tells an AMAZING parable...

"Once a man received as his inheritance two keys. The first key, he was told, would open a vault which he must protect at all cost. The second key was to a safe within the vault which contained a priceless treasure. He was to open this safe and freely use the precious things which were stored therein. He was warned that many would seek to rob him of his inheritance. He was promised that if he used the treasure worthily, it would be replenished and never be diminished, not in all eternity. He would be tested. If he used it to benefit others, his own blessings and joy would increase.

The man went alone to the vault. His first key opened the door. He tried to unlock the treasure with the other key, but he could not, for there were two locks on the safe. His key alone would not open it. No matter how he tried, he could not open it. He was puzzled. He had been given the keys. He knew the treasure was rightfully his. He had obeyed instructions, but he could not open the safe. 

In due time, there came a woman into the vault. She, too, held a key. It was noticeably different from the key he held. Her key fit the other lock. It humbled him to learn that he could not obtain his rightful inheritance without her.They made a covenant that together they would open the treasure and, as instructed, he would watch over the vault and protect it; she would watch over the treasure. She was not concerned that, as guardian of the vault, he held two keys, for his full purpose was to see that she was safe as she watched over that which was most precious to them both. Together they opened the safe and partook of their inheritance. They rejoiced for, as promised, it replenished itself.With great joy they found that they could pass the treasure on to their children; each could receive a full measure, undiminished to the last generation."

What Kaycee said is true, and I am so grateful to know that my dear friend has found her other half.  This lesson makes me want to try so much harder to be the kind of "salvation" I need to be for my future husband wherever he is.  I love the promises of the Gospel, and I love temple marriage.  

I'll say what Becs said about Court and Jordan when they got married, and what I told Kayc the day of her wedding:  I love ya to pieces, Kayc!  Now Steven is a piece of you, so I love him too!  I'm so excited for you guys - good luck!!

I Love....

In honor of Valentine's Day coming up, I thought I would share with you a few things that I love.

I love a newborn gripping my finger.

I love experiences that change everything or define you or make you grateful to be alive.

I love the hope of the future.  

I love that my family teases me.

I love little fingerprints in the window.

I love my brother tap dancing on the kitchen floor.

I love being splashed.  

I love blonde moments.

I love grass stains and scars.

I love music that answers prayers.  

I love paint on my hands.

I love sleeping by the fire.

I love my girlfriends running up and hugging me.

I love the fact that our dinner table isn't big enough anymore.

I love remembering.

I love that things change - for the better.

I love Christmas lights.

I love little accents and voices.

I love the way my dad and brothers look and touch and treat their wives.

I love the way that in a world that is falling apart, the little ones seem to keep us glued together.

I love little girls pigtails.

I love swinging.

I love the way my friends can make me laugh until I cry.

I love that I'm expected to be crazy.

I love dance parties in the car - with or without others.

I love inside jokes that make you pee your pants a little bit.

I love the way a boy pats my shoulder when I'm in a bit of a panic.

I love falling asleep at the foot of my parents bed, telling them about my date.

I love coloring or catching frogs with my nieces and nephews.

I love friends leaving sticky notes on my car.

I love blankets.

I love roommates' clothes.

I love being sneaky.

I love putting lipstick on my niece the letting her put it on me.

I love the smell of cabins.

I love my backyard.

I love allowing people to get to know me.

I love high heels.  

I love Sunday school lessons on my favorite scripture topics.

I love forgiveness. 

I love Heavenly Father's sense of humor.

I love that I can talk to my parents about anything.

I love pictures.

I love opinions.

I love stars.

I love flirting.

I love rubbing my cheek/chin/lips on a baby's silky new hair.

I love jell pens.

I love letters.

I love lotion.

I love nutella - on everything.  

I love the Conference Center.

I love Savior of the World.

I love sparkly snow.

I love Lake Powell.

I love pink.

I love wordsmiths and the power of words.

I love sunsets.

I love squirty water bottles.  

I love perdiddles.

I love kissing.

HAPPY PREPPING FOR HEART DAY!  May all of your Valentine's wishes come true.

So Sweet

“The way you wear your clothes, 

and how you eat your food.

 I like the way you think. 
 I love you.

And how you play the drums on top of every surface, 

and the rhythm that comes through your hands.

And when you tie your boots up, 

and the way you fold your t-shirts, 

I just like the way you move.

And I like your freckles, 

and I like your muscles, 

and I like your sentences too.

You stride over to me, 

and I’m watching you while thinking, 

it is the best sight I ever saw.

Cuz when you come close to me, 

my heart is always opening,

and every time I am so enthralled. 

The accent in your voice, 

and all the words you use. 

I like the way you talk.  

I love you.

And you hold your arms out

when your ready for  a hug, 

and the way you bring me close into your chest.

And when you study hard, 

and when you day dream harder, 

I just like the things you do.

And I like your features, and I like your fingers, 

I like your ideas too.” 

Long, Long Live

Today as I was driving back to Provo for my 2nd year of college, one of my favorite songs came on.  It's a song by Taylor Swift, called Long Live.  I hadn't listened to it in a while, but as I listened to the words, I thought about what this song means for me.  This song means my high school/junior high friends.  I think of each of my friends and the experiences that we have had together through junior high and high school, and I am overwhelmed with such gratitude and satisfaction.  We did indeed crash through walls, and move mountains just by the way that we lived - what we represented.  We crashed through walls together, and we built other walls back up for each other when we couldn't do it ourselves.  We threw our heads back and laughed with our hearts.  Together I think we probably could have done anything.  We changed the world!  I don't want to be one of those people that lives in high school when they are years out of it, but I do look back on those years with fondness.  I truly believe that I had/have the best group of friends in the world.  I hope that when they have children and are looking through year and scrap books, they will tell them stories.  I know I will.  I don't think that I will ever be able to convey to my kids theses feelings that warm my soul, and even seem to invite the Spirit into my heart, just as I am unable to convey them on this blog.  However, Taylor basically says what I can't, and you should listen to her song!  

Let me introduce you to.....

This week, I was lucky enough to get to spend everyday out on the lake with my whole entire family.  All of my siblings, their spouses, and their little ones.  I loved it!!  There were so many heavenly moments where I would just sit back and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude would come over me as I thought about how "I get to keep these people forever."  Each member of my family is so important to me, and we are all so close.  However, I want to take the time to tell you about my brothers.  I have always appreciated my brothers, and have seen us having special relationships because I am their baby sister, but this week as I looked at my big brothers, I honestly thought to myself, "my brothers are the coolest men in the world."  They may never know the influence they have on their baby sister.  The way that they live their lives, including how they tease and play, and share their testimonies, and work hard and willingly, and sing, or how they look at their wives, or teach their children, or obey the Lord, does not go unnoticed by their 19 year old sister.  Each one of them are family and spiritual giants.  They are among the strongest warriors in the Army of God.  They are the best husbands and fathers and uncles and sons and brothers anyone could ask for.  The testimonies they bare are worked for.  The love that they show is sincere.  The smiles they give are contagious, and the differences they make in the world are limitless.
Let me introduce you to these fine men....

This is Troy.  Doctor Yort.  My oldest brother.  He is an Anesthesiologist in Bismark, North Dakota.  He is probably the quietest of all of us kids.   He has a very dry, say-it-as-it-is sense of humor, but manages to do it in such a way that no one is ever hurt or offended.  He sings random little ditties, and speaks backwards.  He is also one of the most intelligent people I know.  His amount of knowledge is so vast! I have relied on Troy for many a school projects. Troy used to roll me back and forth across our kitchen floor in my walker when he would babysit me.  He paints; I ruined some of his oils when I was little.  I would go downstairs and crawl into bed with him when I was scared.  He likes to leave me really long voice mails on my phone just because my answering machine says to leave a BRIEF message.  He also likes to write beautiful poems that make me cry.  He is the best wake-boarder in our family!  So far.  I'm improving.  Slowly.  Troy is a scout master!  Those scouts are in for a treat.
I love my Troybee.

This is Matt.  The second oldest.   Matty.  I am one of the few people who call him that.  I feel it is appropriate.  He is a Mortician for the family bizzz.  He is also the Bishop of a rather large family ward.   Matt is one of the most genuine people you will ever meet.  He is so sensitive to what goes on around him, and to how others feel.  Matty's jokes are usually silly puns, much like my dad's.  Matt gives me hugs every time he sees me.  Everytime!  It's my favorite.   He likes to flirt with his wife, even in front of me.  I think that's cute.  Matt is humble and competitive and encouraging and honest.  We like to tease him about being the most righteous child in the family :), even though that is something more admirable than teasable.  When I was tiny and scared, I would go downstairs to crawl into bed with Matty as well.  I was the first one to get to Matt at the airport when he got home from his mission.  He started crying as soon as he was holding me.   I remember watching Matt in Madrigals and The Princess and the Pea at Viewmont.  He has a really good voice.  He is also a bit of a perfectionist.  Ha, I think Matt and I are very similar in a lot of ways.  I like that.

This is Adam.  He is the 4th child, but the 3rd brother.  It may have taken Adam and me a while to figure out that we are best friends, but we are.  We like to make each other laugh, and we are good at it.  We are so much fun together, really!  Adam knows just what to say to make me feel better, but he also tells me what I need to hear.  Even if I don't want to hear it.  Adam loves to sing.  He expresses through singing, and let me tell you, it is a miracle of a sound when he does.  Anyone who hears him will agree.  Adam likes animals and bugs and water and basically all the good that life has to offer.  He knows how to find all the good too.  Adam accepts people.  He makes people laugh.  It is one of his gifts.  He lights up a room when he walks in, I say.  One time when we were little, we threw our dog a birthday party.  It was Adam's idea.  We invited all of the neighborhood dogs.  They came, too!  Adam and I would sit outside of our cabin for hours whittling sticks, and trying to catch squirrels.  Adam is original and bright. We should have been twins, we are that close!

This is my bro-in-law, Scott.  But you wouldn't ever guess that he was an in-law if you saw us together.   I am the little sister that he never had.  He gets away with saying things that no one else would.  He is the  Financial Director for Goal-Zero.  He just got called as a councilor in the Bishopric!  He is also rather quiet, and he is still trying to get used to how often our family hugs.  I think he secretly likes it.   Last halloween I dressed up as a nerd.  I told everyone I was Scott.  He is a nerd.  Sometimes when I have been especially punk-like to him, he throws me over his shoulder and spins around really fast, thus making all of my blood rush to my head.  He picked up on having a little sister real quick.  It wasn't always like that, though.  When he and my sister were dating in high school, I had a big crush on him.  I was only 6.  That didn't stop me from kissing him on the cheek even before Shandee did!  Of course, I grew out of that.  Scott reminds me that I am beautiful, and gets mad at me when I have a hard time believing it.  He tries to teach me how to ski better.   One time he rescued me when I was at a friend's house and had a bad feeling.  He picked me up and we just drove and talked.  We like to talk.  Well, he mostly listens, but he does have wise advice to give.  He and I have a special relationship, seeing as he is my only bro-in-law.  I love him just as much as my brothers-in-blood!

Well, as you can see, I have been very blessed.  Thank you Troy, Matt, Scott, and Adam.  You are the coolest men in the world.

Ode to Exus

Is this my second post of the day?  Yes.  Mostly for journaling sake, and all.  Whatever.

Is this technically a real ode?  No.  The title just seemed appropriate. 

So I recently had to give up my hand-me-down car to the 3rd degree to one of our dear family friends.  That's right, we sold him. 

saying goodbye

First Exus was my moms.  She got him in 1992, just a month before I was born. Then he was my brother Adam's.  He got him when he turned 16.  Then he was mine!  I got him when I turned 16 too. Adam was on his mission...bah hahaha!  Exus got his name when one of our little neighbor girls accidentally knocked the L of of Lexus.  She kindly picked up the L of the ground, brought it to us, and said, "someone hit this off your car."  Little did she know that we had been watching her, as she committed the crime.  However, it gave the formally known Lexus a new name, and a tad bit more character.  This dear car of mine, and I have been through a lot together!  

Oh, so many sentimental memories made in that car.  No, no make-out sessions involved.  Just to clarify.    Many particular memories in that car were made in the Bountiful temple parking lot, where I spent a large amount of time my Senior year of high school!  Some very special, tender miracles happened for me in those moments.  That car has seen me cry, laugh, scream, sob, day dream, be angry, so on and so forth.  It is even one of the only places I have ever sworn out loud.  I went sliding through and intersection at a red light.  Very scary.  Good ol' Exus has gotten me through quite a bit.  :)  Now he will begin a new journey with Cory Petersen and his future wifey.   Take luck!

He will be missed!!

THESE people....(warning: many pictures ahead).

I spend the majority of my free summer time with these people....

Rebecca.  Becca.  Bec.  Becs.  Becca-boo.

Annie.  Annimarie.  Ann.  Annjo.  Anj.  Tannie Anner.  

Ashlena.  Lena.  Shlena.  Len (Lean).  Shlen.

Cami.  Cammo.  Cam.  Camella.  Cam Cam.  Juice.  Camma Slamma.
Cammers.  Camammi.

I cannot even express just how much I love and adore these angels of mine!  They bring me joy, and they are making my summer an absolute blast.  WE ARE CRAZY!  Oh, we are so crazy.  We sometimes bring out the child in each other, and we are hilarious, and imperfect, and there for each other 100%!!

I believe that people cheering you on along your journey is essential.  The people that can make you feel strong again when you feel weak, or can take your hand and empower you with a little more pride when you have lost it, or can build back up your slowly tumbling walls; are the good ones.  Those are the ones that divinely know your heart and are perfectly equipped to touch it. 

I have been blessed.