Interest is Different than Like

Let's talk about something for a small moment here.  I have learned a small something about myself.  Sometimes entering potential relationships, I get scared.  Like super scared like a small child.  I back waaaaaay off, want to run away from everything, and hide under a rock.  Whyyyyy?  Pressure.  Expectation.  And above all...SPEED.   What the heck?!!
Take me on a few real dates before you try to cuddle with me!  That's right, I said a few.  Make sure you actually, you know, like me before you put your arm all up around me.  Let there be a bit of suspense and guessing and giddiness - no, I'm not talking about the game - I'm talking about courtship.  The real kind where I have to start asking myself, "well is he ever going to hold my hand?"  Then when you do, I feel like I did the first time a boy ever held my hand.  Then when you kiss me, let it have taken long enough that we both can't stand not having kissed anymore.  Really.  Cuddling doesnt have to be an expectation just because both of us know we are interested.  Dont let it me a customary gesture...let it be special.  When all of my roommates sit down to watch a movie, we don't have to cuddle just because it's a movie.  Too often the physical aspects of relationships progress before the friendship part of the relationship progresses and the relationship relationship has to play catch up to the physical relationship and THAT DOESN'T WORK.  It's not designed to.  I feel like since now that we are dating to get married, it's like we both know why we are there and the mystery of it all goes to pots.  Well if we are interested, we are interested and that means we hold hands and cuddle and for some, kiss.  No.  Blaspheme!  Interest doesn't mean like and only like means physical.  For me anyway.
One real-life relationship I was in, the boy didn't hold my hand for weeks and weeks.  It was the sort of thing where I would text my best friend after we all watched a movie and say, "why didn't he hold my hand?  Did I do something wrong?!"  Let me panic for a second.  You know?  We still had to flirt back then.  Then.  Theeen.  He waited even longer to kiss me. Oh.  By the time that first kiss came, boy.  It was time.  And I had never felt so giddy.  I'm pretty sure he heard me scream as he walked away from my closed front door.  It was waited for and worked for and well-deserved on both our parts.  We were best friends first.  It had to be a process for us.  A process, I say!!  Am I completely crazy?  I mean, tell me I'm not crazy for thinking this way.  Because, hey, I have been there several times.  I've experienced the non-commital cuddle.  It's fun for the moment, but you go home after and feel empty.  I'm ashamed to admit, but it's true.  Bleh.  No mo.  MmmmMm.
Interest is different than like.
Flirt.
Slow your roll.
Enjoy.
I'm glad we had this talk.

Guest Post for 14 Days of LOVE!

Hey y'all!!  Be sure to check out the guest post I did on my cute friend's blog!  

You can find it HERE!

It's all about...you guessed it...kissing (features specific tips for guys)!!  

I hope you have a sense of humor and I hope you enjoy my somewhat opinionated instructions! ;)

Things I Learned From Tinder

Yes.  It happened.  And I am ashamed.  And if you tell anyone, I'll give you a swirly.   I participated in the world's shallowest app.  Tinder is the name, and "the game" is the game.  Seriously.  Ya know how most people grow to hate the dating game? So they sign up for things like Tinder?  Well jokes on them cuz Tinder is game central.   Yeah, yeah I know there are a few success stories, but mostly...not.  Just not.  However, I had a several good laughs from some of the unbelievably ridiculous things some of the guys would say, or some of the pictures they would post.  Seriously?  Word to the wise, dude, don't have your profile picture for a dating app be of you with two bikini bimbos kissing either side of your face.  You might as well have a large sign on your forehead that says, "playa" or "tool" or "gross" or the likes.  The following are some of the things that crossed my mind while swipin' through different profiles on the app:

For swipes "to the left. to the left.  Everything you [are] in a [swipe] to the left"

• No. 
• No.
• Nope.
• Absolutely not.
• Gross.
• No shirt.  
• Gym selfie.
• Cigarette in mouth.
• CIGAR in mouth.
• Baby (some guys on there were like 17!!  Really?  Try dating the girls in your own high school!!).
• Too old (yes, I did later on figure out that you can adjust the age range you are interested in).
• No shirt.
• No shirt.
• Gym selfie.
• That gauge in your left earlobe is big enough for me to jump through.  
• No.
• Baby.
• No.
• You have longer hair than I do.
• No.
• Shirtless (I feel bad for boys who use this app and see 8 million pictures of scantily dressed girls.  Unless they like that sort of thing...in which case I feel bad for the girls who objectify themselves by posting such photos.).
• I saw the word "cuddling" in your profile.  
• I saw the word "kissing" in your profile.
• I saw the word "massages" in your profile. 
• Twelve empty shot glasses in front of you.  
• No. 
• And last but not lease...no shirt. 

For swipes to the right, I usually just picked guys I thought looked like they were clean cut and well-rounded and had nice jaw lines/structures (one of my weaknesses, silly, I know).  A lot of guys post pictures of themselves holding babies or small animals.  Props.  Like we girls can't see straight through that, but props indeed.  Right swipe.  

Matching.  Haha well not much else boosts your own self esteem quite like swiping an extremely attractive guy to the right, only to find out that HE also swiped you right does.  Sure.  It put a little extra bounce in my step. 

I really hope this is their engagement picture.

Chatting.  So once the "matching" takes place, you and your match have the opportunities to chat a bit through the app.  It's safe because your phone number/personal information of any sort is not exposed.  It is all done through the app and you can block people at any point in time.  Anyway, the chatting part was okay.  My favorite first messages that guys sent me said, "Hey Hannah, I'm not a tree hugger, but if you were a tree, I would be."  "Hey Hannah, I see you like the way I look!"  Hahahaha!  But some of the guys I chatted with seemed really nice and sincere and mature.  Others...not so much.  

So.  Needless to say, Tinder is...entertaining.  Yes.  Effective?  Mmmmm...I guess it depends on what you are going for.  It's quite judgmental.  You know the saying don't judge a book by it's cover?  Yeah that's about all this is.  Judging a book by its cover. It's how you play though.  I joined mostly out of curiosity and kicks and very quickly deleted my account/app.  I'm not saying Tinder is bad by any means!  Don't get all uppity and defensive if you have used it.  I mean, power to ya if it works.  You do your thing, ya know?  For me...I think I'll stick with the old-fashioned dating game for now. ;)   

Transition

So, I've started dating someone.  Someone called myself.  Yes, it's true.  No, this is not a pity party, this is an empower-Hannah-because-she-feels-empowered party.  From spending a Friday night coloring a picture for myself to sitting on the floor next to my cinderblock supported bed of my college apartment while painting my nails and listening to some of my favorite songs and noticing that my hands are getting older (whoa run-on sentence)...I am on my way to getting to know myself again.  To figuring out how to have my heart to myself for a while.  To finding myself by losing myself.  Losing myself to my calling, to serving, to my school work, to being a true friend, to being an open book, to fresh starts - even the scary ones.  We live and we learn, don't we?  And LIVE, we must!!  Give up a bit of the control.  Palms up, ya'll.
Here's to drinking milk from the carton.  Here's to multi-colored finger nails and to songs that express what you can't.  Here's to building new bridges from the ashes of the very ones we have just burned - some we worked hard to burn, and some we watched burn without much say of our own.  Here's to changing the world one daddy-daughter date at a time - especially the Heavenly kind.  I like those.  Here's to feeling so small yet, big as the whole out doors at the same time.  Here's to sitting in the Logan temple parking lot in your car by yourself while eating leftover pie and crying because only four people showed up to your Relief Society activity.  Ha, here's to making funny faces without even trying and then laughing and slapping your forehead about it right after.  And here's to the transition moments in our lives when it feels like little progress is happening but in reality everything is preparing you for blessings that have yet to be put in place.
So, sit.  Get to know yourself a bit.  And heck, even like yourself!!  Like ALOT!  Because whoever really does get to date you one day is one lucky friggin' dog.  ;)  But until then, little girl crushes can bring you lots of joy.
I think this is going to be a very long, beautiful, fantastic, fruitful relationship with me, myself, and I.
God is good.
Cheers!

Holla atcha random...

• Hoodies are my safe place.  Started being so in high school.  Who's with me?!
• I accidentally gag myself almost every time I brush my teeth.  What are some of your quirks? 
• Speaking of teeth brushing, did you know you can be allergic to your toothpaste?  Apparently you can. And I am.  Still using it.  Toothpaste is expensive.
• I love hats.  I wear them frequently.  Mostly because I don't want to wash my hair.  But you didn't know that.  
• I'm a cryer.  It's true.  I cry often.  It's how I process things.  It's how I work through them.  So what do you need to do?  Just let me cry.  Hold me, maybe.  Tell me to stop, absolutely not.  Make me laugh, Yes.  Always.  Above all, just listen.  Good.  Glad we had that discussion.
• I'm a fairly fickle person, I've come to realize in the last while...which is strange cuz I usually am not.  heh heh.  Crack on then, shall we?!
• I have a large amount of candy in my backpack.   I don't share.  
• I sleep on my stomach a lot and I can't stand to have to covers all tucked in and stuff.  Nope.  I will go to great lengths to loosen them up.
• I become a pretty needy baby when I'm sick.  
• I paint my nails probably about twice a week.  
• I talk on the phone while grocery shopping.  I get bored and need company.  
• I love earrings.  I feel naked if I'm not wearing earrings.  Okay, not naked.  But I don't like it.
• I chew my gum really hard.  Last month the cartilage in my jaw kept popping out of place because I chew too hard.  Oops.  Don't worry, I learned to calm it down a bit.
• I also love perfume/body sprays.  I can't just have one smell.  I have to switch it up.  Although I usually keep it pretty consistent when I'm dating someone.  Is that weird?  Yeah, I think that's weird.  I think I just try to keep things simple for 'em, ya know?  Do you have a specific scent you always stick with? 
• Current favorite snack?  Those apple-sauce pouches.  I feel like a child when I start sucking out of those things in class, but they sure are tasty!  Also expensive.  Right now, they take priority over getting new toothpaste of which I'm not allergic to.  Any recommendations for less expensive munchy munches?
• I want a baby, dang it!!
• The more and more I get into my social work classes, the more I am interested in the DCFS/child protective services/forensic interviewing stuff.  Eeee.  I know.  Scary stuff.  But it fascinates me!  
• I feel empowered when I'm wearing lipstick.  Bright.  Red. (or pinkish) Lipstick.  So I usually wear it on days I take tests.  Totally works.  Past 3 tests...ACED.  What empowers you?

Welp, there's that.  Some randoms I have noticed about myself lately.  It's good to learn about yourself, ya know?  Healthy I think.  What things can you learn about YOURself??  :)  

"Are ya scrappy? Are ya a scrapper?"

Gold star if you know what movie my title is from!  One of my family's favorites.  Ahem. Remember that one time I did a post about cards that I had made, but I had to delete it because I didn't have any more space for pictures on my blog???!!!  Well.  Now I have more space.  And I've been making cards.  Making various types of greeting cards has been a hobby of mine for a long time.  It started out as just scrapbooking (which I still like to do, but haven't for a while), then turned to making cards!  I love making them for specific people and giving them away.  I make bunches of them as gifts, and my parents ask me to make cards for them to use all the time!  There are a bunch on sale at the mortuary (like sympathy cards and thank you cards) that people can buy to use.  One time the owner of Flower Patch offered for me to sale them at the Flower Patch in Bountiful....I declined because I love it too much. :) I didn't want it to become a chore.  So yeah!  Sometimes I get ideas online and sometimes I just make it up as I go.  Some are more elaborate and some are pretty simple, but here are some of my favorites:

Love my Cricut cutter - I use it all the time!

Invitations for a friends wedding shower (it was in January hence the snowflakes).

This is done using brass embossing templates and chalk for color!  Love that.

The most common cards my mom asks for are wedding ones  for her to give at receptions.

I like making them. :)

I made this for my cousin's missionary shower.  It was a hit!

This is just a stamp that I colored in with sharpies and chalk!  I like how it turned out!

Apparently I am a fan of the little banner flag things.  And little jewels/pearls to stick on.

I love butterflies!  You can't tell in the picture, but I have a shimmer spray for paper, and it makes it all shimmery and fancy dancey.

I make a lot for baby showers as well.

More wedding/love. 

This is a heat embossed ink stamp (the embossing lifts the ink off of the paper  for texture.  You can feel it when you run your fingers over it), then I used soft pink, orange, and yellow chalk to color it in.  Picture doesn't really show it well, but this is one of my favorite cards I've made.  I duplicate it all the time.

Viola!!  

Thank you, and goodnight. 

:)

Fashion Show!

Each semester the Dress and Humanities classes put on a fashion show at USU.  I am in that class, so I got to participate!  At first I thought it was kinda a dumb assignment, but I ended up loving it.  We were required to make an item of clothing out of recycled material.  The theme for the fashion show this year was "re-tell" so the categories were book genres.  My friend Taylor and I worked hard to design and make a little dress for the Western genre category.  This is how it went:

Draw out the design

Gather materials...we used gunnysacks (burlap), bandanas, and lace!

Draw out a few patterns here and there....

Sew our little hearts out - love my new sewing machine from Christmas!
 I was excited to have something to use it for.

Some details...

I think these details made the dress!  Cute lace and burlap flowers on the bandana belt.

Kellie-jo being awesome and modeling our "gunnysack prom" dress.

Guess what!  Our dress won for the Western category!  That was exciting!

This is what we won.  A Long Way Gone.  I'm excited to read it.
I've heard it's way good. 

 So this was just a fun, unique opportunity.  I was surprised at how legit it was.  Lights, a catwalk, music, etc etc.  A lot of people came too!  The TSC ballroom was packed!  So there ya have it!  If you get the chance, go to the next one!  So fun. :)