"This was not my plan."

"It is as truly a blasphemous interference with the prerogatives of Diety to set limitations or make fixations of time or place at which the divine power shall be made manifest as it is to attempt to usurp that power.  God alone must decide when and how His wonders shall be wrought."   - James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ

So I suppose it is about time I wrote this post.  It has been several months since I promised I would share it so here it goes.  

Let me start by giving a bit of a background.  Ever since I was in ninth grade I have known what I wanted to be when I "grew up."  I remember the specific text conversation I was having with a good friend when the thought even crossed my mind.  Then meetings with my bishop, even at that young age, continued to build in my mind the idea that being a children's therapist was an option.  After receiving my Patriarchal blessing the summer before starting high school, my way was pretty set.  See, there were several things said in that blessing that set me, even more concretely, on the social work path.  Pretty specific assignments and prophecies and promises had been laid out in my Patriarchal blessing - ones which the specificity of them even shocked my parents who had sat through each of their children's blessings.  

All through high school and my college years I knew what I needed to do.  No question ever arose in my mind about what I needed to major in, what steps would be necessary for me to take, nor arose any deterrent from my willingness to take those steps.  I was going to fulfill those assignments!  A couple of those steps would include going to grad school to get my Master's in social work along with getting my LCSW license.  Taking these steps was exciting to me and I worked hard to make sure I would qualify for them.  Well, the only way I know how to describe it, is that my heart started to change.  My mind started to lean in other directions.  Going to grad school became less and less appealing.  In a conversation I had with my mom, I told her that path started to look blurry.  This was during the end of my junior year when I would need to start preparing to take the GRE or MAT in order to apply to grad school the following Fall.  During the summer, it got even worse.  I honestly "wrestled" with myself about it for months.  The previous Christmas my gift to Jesus was, "I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan."  This very subject in mind.  Anyway, I prayed and prayed and had large amounts of anxiety about it.  What was the right thing to do?  How would I fulfill God's plan if I didn't go to grad school?  Then one Sunday during sacrament meeting, I had been fasting about it and felt overwhelmed with the answer that I was NOT to go to grad school immediately upon graduating.  With only weeks before my applications would be due, this was an incredible blessing and relief.  It came so powerfully, I had to write my thoughts down as they came.  I started writing vigorously right there in church.  My thoughts came as this:  the Lord's ability to make me fulfill the assignments talked about in my patriarchal blessing are not limited to this one path.  "How would I fulfill God's plan if I didn't go to grad school?" - where is the faith in that?  Thus the quote at the beginning of this post (which I happened to read just tonight.  Perfect).  It was like my perspective was extremely widened.  Other options flooded - and have continued to flood - into my mind.  

Well, because I'm human, a while later I found myself really questioning myself again.  What if I had ruined the plan or done something wrong?!  Then another confirmation.  This time in the temple, where I had been taught that I could have confidence in any answers received there.  He had already given me an answer, but kind Heavenly Father gave it to me again.  I wept as I sat in the Celestial room and felt peace that it was okay that I didn't apply to grad school.  

Okay.  Got that answer.  But then what?  I would have liked to think that I wasn't to go to grad school because I was going to start a family, but I don't know that.  I then seriously considered a mission for a while, but that faded.  Again, extreme anxiety.  Because I didn't know exactly what I would be doing instead of continuing in school, graduation became extremely daunting.  In the last few months I have felt almost lazy - like I was lacking in effort in proactively having a set plan.  People have asked me, "what will you do after graduation?" and I have just kind of said "I don't know...get a job???"  I imagined those people in their minds saying:  "Oh, she doesn't have a plan.  Nice one."  But even more recently, I have felt a lot of peace about the unknown.  Like I said, several options have presented themselves to me.  

For example, while in the temple (again) a couple of weeks ago, I was overjoyed thinking about one of these options.  I felt extremely excited about at least moving forward in that direction.  In that moment I was kind of in amazement that so much about my path had changed.  In my head I sort of bewilderingly chuckled to God, "Father, this was not my plan."  Complete relief.  I felt Him say in His kind fatherly way, "it never was."  It was never MY plan.  It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder and I knew that for now, the Lord was going to reveal answers to me step by step.  For now, I need to walk blind for a bit.  It is stretching me and it is so scary, but He IS guiding me.  Even though my path is not always clear, and I don't have answers, I know He is near.  I know He has not left my side and that HE has a plan.  I thought I understood it, and maybe that's how He needed me to understand it for a while, but He knows all things and will give me gifts and abilities to fulfill His assignments.  I feel that so strongly even now as I write this.  He will give me answers right when He needs me to know.  I feel so willing to move.  He knows that, so He will guide my feet.  In His time and way.  Oh, how strange this is.  All of my cohorts are saying, "I was accepted to so and so school."  "I'm going to grad school here..." I just kind of laugh and stare into space thinking, "I thought that would be me!"  Nope!!  Not now anyway.  Maybe next year I'll feel the need to apply.  Maybe now fuzzy things will become less fuzzy and I'll look back and go, "ooooohhhh...that's why."  Maybe not.  Maybe I won't know exactly why.  I do know this:  God is so merciful.  Jesus Christ is my friend.  They carry me and are ever near.  Nothing is our own.  The temple is the most important thing in this world, and the veil thin within those walls.  Thank heavens we don't have to navigate through this life on our own.  Thank heavens we don't have to KNOW our every next move and step - or even the path we are to take.  

Except one.  We follow the Savior's path.  Always.  

 

My thoughts lately...cept not MY thoughts cuz it's a quote.

Ships

I have been so unbelievably spiritually fed in this last week, and General Conference hasn't even happened yet!  I feel so blessed.  Yesterday our stake had a home evening with the stake president and his wife.  I love President and Sister Green.  They are the cutest, most tender, most in love couples I have ever seen.  They tease and are hilarious with each other, but the Spirit is ever there when they are. Together they gave a talk about families and not building them "after the manner of men," but instead building them like the three ships built in scriptural history:  Noah's ark, Nephi's ship, and the brother of Jared's barges.  We need to build them from the instruction we get from the Lord.  We need to build them tight like unto a dish.  We need to operate them by faith.  Among the stories and many profound words they said, my favorites were said after we read these verses from Ether chapter 6:

 6 And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.

 7 And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being^atight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ^barkof Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

 8 And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were ^adriven forth before the wind.

President Green closed with this: 

"Please remember the concept and truth that the very wind that continuously blew them to the Promised Land, was the same wind that caused the waves to bury them.  Lehi explained that there needs be opposition in all things." 

The Lord is in charge, and always provides a way for us even in our darkest times.  The stones that lit the barges were not only sources of light, but there were witnesses of God's existence and we still have those stones today in our everyday lives.  President Green and his wife said that one night when they were brand new married, they decided to kneel down and dedicate their marriage and lives to the Lord. I'm so excited to one day do the same.  

Oh.  And remember....

Quotes, quotes, quotes. Happy, happy, happy!

One of my religion class professors would always give us pages and pages of quotes about specific topics we were discussing at the time, and the other day I decided to pull them out to include in my scripture study.  These are a few of my favorite ones:

"If we refuse to take reasonable risks, we may in effect be refusing to progress and that is what life is all about.  This is where faith comes in.  We do what is right and let the consequences follow.  God will help us, I know that for sure.  If we protect ourselves from too many things, we may protect ourselves right out of the Celestial Kingdom."

 - John H. Groberg

"With any major decisions there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing.  If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now.  Don't give up when the pressure mounts.  Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence'.  Stay on course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

"Man radiates what he is, and that radiation affects to a great or less degree every person who comes within that radiation.  William George Jordan impressively writes: 'Man cannot escape for one moment from this radiation of his character, this constantly weakening or strengthening of others.  He cannot evade the responsibility by saying it is an unconscious influence.  He can select the qualities that he will permit to be radiated.  He can select the qualities that he will permit to be radiated.  He can cultivate sweetness, calmness, trust, generosity, truth, justice, loyalty, nobility - make them vitally active in his character - and by these qualities he will constantly affect the world.'"
 - David O. McKay

"We are expected to assume accountability by acting on a decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation.  We are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur becasue the Lord has not spoken.  We are to act."
 - Richard G. Scott

"In making important decisions, fear does not play a helpful role, except as a warning when we are in a physically threatening situation.  If we are feeling fear, it is a great sign that we are on the right track because [Lucifer] is trying to overturn our progress and happiness.  So many of us would never let Satan influence us through serious sin, but we more easily let the Adversary immobilize us by letting him place fear in our hearts."
 -Mary Jane Woodger

"One definitions of perfect os 'never having flaw or error.'  In this sense, only one person in all of human history - our Savior  - has been perfect.  Perfect can also mean 'having all flaws and errors removed.'  [God] wants us to strive for perfection, but the fact that we have not yet achieved it does not mean we are failing." 
 - Gerald N. Lund

These are words of our past or current leaders and I know that they are true!  These words come from God and if we lean on His words, we will NOT be lead astray.  I love our leaders.  I love their diligence and their testimonies.  The church is true! :)  

Happy Sabbath. 

God is God and We Are Not.

Today in church a man gave a talk on President Monson's talk from the October 2012 conference, SEE OTHERS AS THEY MAY BECOME.  It is an excellent talk about seeing people in a Christlike way. I absolutely love it.  Not only did he talk about seeing others for who they can become, but he talked about seeing ourselves for who we can become.  We can be so hard on ourselves.  I'm reading Elder Holland's new book, Spiritual Solace from the Psalms and one of my favorite insights of his says (in reference to Psalm 3:2-5), "we must remember that he is a 'shield.'  And one of the things we need to be shielded against is ourselves.  We must constantly remind ourselves that he is God and we are not."  I share this because it goes along perfectly with a story that the speaker in church told about a young mother and her family.  He explained that this lady had experienced a "spiritual deadening" of sorts, and was having a hard time.  One night when the husband was talking to her about it, she finally broke and said something to the effect of, "I can't do it anymore!  I try and I try and I try but I lose patience with the kids and raise my voice, I can't keep the house clean, I can't always be serving others.  I'm not talented like Sister Jones, and I'm not as compassionate as Sister Child.  I know I'm not going to the Celestial Kingdom."  In that moment, the husband thought to himself, "after all these years, she has known the Savior and yet she is still trying to save herself."  The husband asked her if she has a testimony, and she said yes,  "that's what makes this so hard!  I know what I should be doing."  The husband continued, "then don't you know that the Savior makes up for what we lack?  That He covers this?  That you don't have to do it alone?"
The story goes something like that and ahh I love it.  I just love it.  She had temporarily given up, because she couldn't see herself improving.  She already felt like she wasn't going to progress.  That is not the way Christ sees us!  That is not how He would have us see ourselves!  How comforting it is to know that we do not have to save ourselves.  We simply aren't capable.  So why are we so defeated when we fall short?  Why do we suddenly define ourselves by these short comings?  We must see ourselves as He sees us - with glorious potential.  We must see that "he is God and we are not" - that we don't save ourselves.  We just allow for the saving to take place, by coming unto Christ and allowing Him to heal us.   It is then that He will make us who we need to be.  

Look to God and Live

"Katie Lewis is my neighbor. Her father, Randy, is my bishop; her mother, Melanie, is a saint. And her older brother, Jimmie, is battling leukemia.

Sister Lewis recently recounted for me the unspeakable fear and grief that came to their family when Jimmie’s illness was diagnosed. She spoke of the tears and the waves of sorrow that any mother would experience with a prognosis as grim as Jimmie’s was. But like the faithful Latter-day Saints they are, the Lewises turned to God with urgency and with faith and with hope. They fasted and prayed, prayed and fasted. And they went again and again to the temple.

One day Sister Lewis came home from a temple session weary and worried, feeling the impact of so many days—and nights—of fear being held at bay only by monumental faith.

As she entered her home, four-year-old Katie ran up to her with love in her eyes and a crumpled sheaf of papers in her hand. Holding the papers out to her mother, she said enthusiastically, “Mommy, do you know what these are?”

Sister Lewis said frankly her first impulse was to deflect Katie’s zeal and say she didn’t feel like playing just then. But she thought of her children—all her children—and the possible regret of missed opportunities and little lives that pass too swiftly. So she smiled through her sorrow and said, “No, Katie. I don’t know what they are. Please tell me.”

“They are the scriptures,” Katie beamed back, “and do you know what they say?”

Sister Lewis stopped smiling, gazed deeply at this little child, knelt down to her level, and said, “Tell me, Katie. What do the scriptures say?”

“They say, ‘Trust Jesus.’” And then she was gone.

Sister Lewis said that as she stood back up, holding a fistful of her four-year-old’s scribbling, she felt near-tangible arms of peace encircle her weary soul and a divine stillness calm her troubled heart.

Katie Lewis, “angel and minister of grace,” I’m with you. In a world of some discouragement, sorrow, and overmuch sin, in times when fear and despair seem to prevail, when humanity is feverish with no worldly physicians in sight, I too say, “Trust Jesus.” Let him still the tempest and ride upon the storm. Believe that he can lift mankind from its bed of affliction, in time and in eternity."

(From a talk given by Elder Holland.  "Look to God and Live.")

Feeling Strengthened

Recently I have thought about decisions I have made in the past, and how things are going to work out for me in the future because of them.  I have questioned myself and those decisions.  I have found myself doubting and afraid.  I have wondered if "maybe I could try to date so-and-so again.  Maybe I didn't give it enough of a try", or "maybe I could go back to Provo instead of go to Utah State - that might be easier."   "What exactly do new relationships, or a new school, or a new environment hold for me?"  These questions are talked about in one of my favorite talks by Elder Holland "Faith is for the Future."  He tells the story of how one night he and his new bride were walking along BYU campus feeling slightly discouraged at the things they were lacking.  Particularly money.  He turned to his wife Pat, and in a moment of despair and desperate confusion told her, "we can go back, I can get a decent enough job to provide for us, we don't have to be here."  She then grabbed him by the lapels and told him, "we are not going back.  The future holds everything for us."  It is this very story, and those very lines that come to my mind whenever I think about taking the less frightening or possibly easier rout.  Elder Holland said that years and years later, after that experience, he would sit on BYU campus and watch young students much like his old self walk around with expressions of their faces that seemed to ask the same questions that I have asked myself in the last while.  To them - to me - he said to some effect:  "Faith is for the future.  The future holds everything."
I know I cannot go back.  Am I scared?  Yes.  Will it be hard?  Most definitely.  However, I am where I am for a reason.  Maybe lots of reasons.  I don't really know what the Lord has planned for me,  I know it's something though, so for now I go with that.  I told my Becca the other day, when we were talking about life and growing up, "so we step into the future and into the unknown with our fists clenched to hide our shaking hands, our heads held high to intimidate the enemy, and with faith in the Lord to lead us to victory.  We will not go back."  Okay, I didn't say exactly that, but it was close and it's true!  I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I love Him.  He LIVES!  He conquered death and lives.  It is through Him that we live as well.  Now and forever.   We are children of a loving Father in Heaven and He is all knowing - and WE WILL BE GUIDED.  "Faith is believing that the outcome with be good.  Worry is believing that the outcome will be bad.  Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is believing that whatever the outcome, it will indeed be for our BEST good."  So, my friends, I've said it a thousand times, and I'll say it again.  "The future is as bright as your faith," and "we are NOT going back."
Happy Sunday, indeed. :)

Chills.

Today this song hit the spot.  If a song can hit a spot...well, it can.  I just decided.  Apply gospel principles to this song, and Voila!!  You have a very inspirational, chill-giving song.  It's pretty inspirational on its own, but that's just how it was for me today.  Enjoy, my friends!

What you've got to do is
Finish what you have begun,
I don't know just how,
But it's not over 'til you've won!

When you see the storm is coming,
See the lightning part the skies,
It's too late to run-
There's terror in your eyes!
What you do then is remember
This old thing you heard me say:
"It's the storm, not you,
That's bound to blow away."

Hold on,
Hold on to someone standing by.
Hold on.
Don't even ask how long or why!
Child, hold on to what you know is true,
Hold on 'til you get through.
Child, oh child!
Hold on!

When you feel your heart is poundin',
Fear a devil's at your door.
There's no place to hide-
You're frozen to the floor!
What you do then is you force yourself
To wake up, and you say:
"It's this dream, not me,
that's bound to go away."

Hold on,
Hold on, the night will soon be by.
Hold on,
Until there's nothing left to try.
Child, hold on, There's angels on their way!
Hold on and hear them say,
"Child, oh child!"

And it doesn't even matter
If the danger and the doom
Come from up above or down below,
Or just come flying
At you from across the room!

When you see a man who's raging,
And he's jealous and he fears
That you've walked through walls
He's hid behind for years.
What you do then is you tell yourself to wait it out
And say it's this day, not me,
That's bound to go away.

Child, oh hold on.
It's this day, not you,
That's bound to go away!

The Future is Bright

cleave

¹   

verb (used without object), cleaved or ( Archaic ) clave;cleaved; cleav·ing.

1.

to adhere closely; stick; cling (usually followed by to ).

2.

to remain faithful (usually followed by to ): to cleave to one'sprinciples in spite of persecution.

The other night I was feeling a bit discouraged about some things, and  was feeling quite unsure about a lot of things in the future when I read the scripture, Helaman 4:26 I believe it is.  It talks about cleaving to the Lord our God.  The image of me literally clinging to the Savior during storms of uncertainty immediately came into my mind and a feeling of complete peace came over me.  Then just last night, I reread that verse and read the verses from D&C 122 when Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail.  Those are some beautiful, beautiful verses, and they went along perfectly with what I was feeling.   No matter what we face in this life, no matter what hardships come upon us, even if the very jaws of hell open up to swallow us, as long as we are cleaving to Christ as the verse in Helaman says, there is nothing NOTHING that can defeat us.  As we cleave to and put our faith in the Savior, there is nothing about the future, no matter how daunting it may seem, that we need to fear.  I guess President Monson said it right when he said that "the future is as bright as your faith."  I have loved that quote for a really long time now, but was able to see it in a new light just these past couple of days.  I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE THE SCRIPTURES!!  

So.  Next time you are feeling low and discouraged, take the time to picture yourself cleaving and clinging to the Lord just as He so powerfully and willingly clings to us.  My friends, the future IS as bright as your faith.  I am so grateful to witness the miracles that come from the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  

Happy Sabbath.  

"Things I Learned in 5th Grade"

Today my dad made me hash-browns while he held my little bird on his shoulder.  We talked about different things in life, then talked about different people in my life.  We talked about some of the struggles that come about with people and I told him that I hope that I can be one to keep calm when everything else is crazy.  He started to recite this ever-so wise poem to me:

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;

If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same:.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,

And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! 

Rudyard Kipling
:)

This Song

I just have to share the lyrics of this scriptural song.  There is no other song that I love singing more, or am able to sing with more passion and conviction.  It is my testimony of the Savior.  It's words are so powerful and it is beautifully written.  I find myself humming this song to myself during discouraging times, and know that it is only through the grace of Christ that I am able to be lifted up.  If you haven't heard it, I would encourage you to look it up!  Dallyn Vail Bayles is my favorite artist who sings it.  Enjoy your ponderings, my friends!

My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee

Text and Music by Rob Gardner

For a little while 

Have I forsaken thee; 

But with great mercies will I gather thee. 

In a little wrath I hid my face from thee 

For a moment. 

But with everlasting kindness will I gather thee, 

And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings, 

For the mountains shall depart, 

And the hills shall be removed, 

And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea, 

But know, my child, 

My kindness shall not depart from thee! 

Though thine afflictions seem 

At times too great to bear, 

I know thine every thought and every care. 

And though the very jaws 

Of hell gape after thee I am with thee. 

And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee, 

And with healing will I take thee ‘neath my wings. 

Though the mountains shall depart, 

And the hills shall be removed, 

And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea, 

Know, my child, 

My kindness shall not depart from thee! 

How long can rolling waters 

Remain impure? 

What pow'r shall stay the hand of God? 

The Son of Man hath descended below all things. 

Art thou greater than He? 

So hold on thy way, 

For I shall be with thee. 

And mine angels shall encircle thee. 

Doubt not what thou knowest, 

Fear not man, for he 

Cannot hurt thee. 

And with everlasting kindness will I succor thee, 

And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings. 

For the mountains shall depart, 

And the hills shall be removed, 

And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea, 

But know, my child, 

My kindness shall not depart from thee!

Questions Worth Answering

Last night I read THIS talk.  Excellent.  I encourage you to read it.  So often we find ourselves asking questions about this gospel.  Perhaps we aren't asking the right ones though.  Here are some good ones to ALWAYS be asking ourselves.  

“Adam [or John], where art thou?” “Whom say ye that I am?” “Will ye also go away?” “Lovest thou me?” Such divine questions now seem much more important than the questions I once wrote in the margins of my scriptures. Now when I read the scriptures, I feel the weight and tug of questions posed to me by the scriptures, such as: “Knowest thou the condescension of God?” (1 Ne. 11:16). “Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?” (Matt. 8:26). “Wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?” (Job 40:8). “Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?” (D&C 6:23). “Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? … and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, … can ye feel so now?” (Alma 5:14, 26).

See

"Earth's crammed with heaven....

and every common bush afire with God...

but only he who sees takes off his shoes."

 -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I've been thinking about this poem a lot lately.  I love it.  It is so profound to me, and it makes me look at the world, and life, and people in a new way.  

(Earth's crammed with heaven)

There is so much beauty around us.  Beautiful blessings - things, sounds, experiences, people - that manifest God's love for us.  So many sacred and holy gifts from our Father in Heaven surround us every day.  Some are quite plain to see...

(and every common bush afire with God.)

...and others not so easy.  But they too testify of God.  They are also His.  

(but only he who sees takes off his shoes.)

only the person who will recognize these gifts no matter what form, size, or complexity they come in, and who will take the time to really see - to respect their beauty as something more magnificent than we can even comprehend:  truly heavenly - will show that respect and humility and meek understanding of the existence of a power beyond that of a man.  

How can we better see?

Faith vs. Fear

"Don't give up when the pressure mounts.  Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness.  Face your doubts.  Master your fears.  'Cast not away therefore you confidence.'  Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you." - Jeffrey R. Holland

"If we refuse to take reasonable risks, we may in effect be refusing to progress and that is what life is all about.  This is where faith comes in.  We do what is right and let the consequences follow.  god will help us, I know that for sure.  If we protect ourselves from too many things, we may protect ourselves right out of the Celestial Kingdom."  - John Groberg

  These words are for me.

Fruit - Brigham Young

"If you feel evil, keep it to yourselves until you overcome that evil principle.  This is what I call resisting the devil, and he flees from me...When you are influenced by the Spirit of holiness and purity, let your light shine; but if you are tried and tempted and buffeted by Satan, keep you thought to yourselves - keep your mouths closed; for speaking produces fruit, either of a good or evil character...You frequently hear brethren and sisters say that they feel so tried and tempted, and have so many cares, and are so buffeted, that they must give vent to their feelings; and they yield to the temptation, and deal out their unpleasant sensations the their families and neighbors.  Make up your minds thoroughly, once and for all, that if we have trials, the Lord has suffered them to be brought upon us, and he will give us grace to bear them...But if we have light or intelligence - that which will do good, we will impart it...Let that be the determination of individual, for spirit begets spirit-likeness; feelings beget their likeness...If then we give vent to all our bad feelings disagreeable sensations, how quickly we beget the same in others, and load each other down with our troubles, and become sunk in darkness and despair!  In all your social communications...let all the dark, discontented, murmuring, unhappy, miserable feelings - all the evil fruit of the mind, fall from the tree in silence and unnoticed; and so let it perish, with out taking it up to present to your neighbors.  But when you have joy and happiness, light and intelligence, truth and virtue, offer that fruit abundantly to your neighbors, and it will do them good, and so strengthen the hands of your fellow beings."  -Brigham Young

Think about when this talk was given.  If ever there was a justified group of people in having the need to vent, it was the early saints.  However, they were asked not to.  How can we apply this to our lives now?  In our homes, apartments, with our friends and with our families?  Everyone loves a little gossip now and then, and it is easy to vent on a rough day.  However, a trouble shared is often a trouble doubled.  It does no good, and so I am going to work HARD to not do either of those.  I don't want to drop bad fruit!  I am also going to work to share the good things of the soul.  Think of how much could be taught if we shared with one another the experiences that build us, or strengthen our testimonies?  Almost every time Paul testified to the Jewish people, he told about his conversion to Christianity - his experience.  What are our conversion stories, and can we lift someone else by sharing it?  Could it help convert others?  Let us share the good that surrounds us!  Why?  Because of the pure love of Christ.  Because we love Him, and because we want our brothers and sisters to know of His love for us.  I find myself asking "how" I can do more.  "What" I need to do to make sure I am living in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.  These are great things to ask, but as President Uchtdorf explained, the true majesty of the gospel lies in the "why".  I think that is subconsciously why we ask the whats and hows, but we need to think more carefully and more consciously about the whys.  Let us all remember the "whys" of the gospel, share them a little more, and drop other bad fruit a little less.
Happy Sabbath!  :)

In My Opinion...

I found an old school essay that I wrote a looooong time ago.  I think it was a miracle that I pulled it out today.  Sometimes you just have not-so-awesome days, and I needed a taste of my past self's medicine.  It's a bit sarcastic and strong at a few points, but it hits soft spots.  It helped me.  :)  I would like to bloglicly share it, so maybe it will help someone else!

Life:  Good

I had an experience with a friend once, when she was in a pitiful, sad mood.  I told her to enjoy life!  She responded with, "Hannah, you don't know what life has given me."  I wanted so badly to explain to her, "No, no, no.  You don't understand what life has given you - what God has given you.  You need to rethink that little statement you just made."  Of course, I did not say those things to her.  It sure made me think though.  What a poor outlook on life!

Now, I recognize the people who have had broken hearts, or spirits so low they feel numb.  I see the people who have cried and pleaded with their God to make the hurt go away.  I relate to the people who cannot seem to escape the curve balls life throws at them.  I have experienced these things.  I have had my share of trials, just like everyone else.  I am sure there are more to come.  I do not naively look at the world with bushbaby eyes or rose-colored glasses.  However, I have made the personal decision to recognize that, "Life is good."

"Men are that they might have joy."  In my religious views, I believe that joy is defined as the potential to become like God.  We must endure this life in order to become like God.  Thus, by a = b and b = c then a = c logic, this life is joy.  These religious principles may not apply to everyone, but this I believe.  I love life.  Yes, sometimes it sucks.  Sometimes you get slapped in the face, or you fail, or you have your heart broken in one way or another.  These are experiences that make up a person's story.  

I have experienced a broken heart myself;  it was possibly one of the hardest things I think I have ever endured.  I didn't really know it was possible to feel such horrid, literal pain from something so...not literal.  Have I learned irreplaceable lessons from this?  Yes.  Have I grown stronger as a person and individual from this?  Most definitely.  Have relationships, with friends and family I had to depend on, been tightened?  Absolutely;  in very tender ways.  I do not regret.  I cherish.  I have much gratitude for the life I am experiencing.  Life is good!  Life is about experiencing the high rise of the roller coaster and seeing things in a new and beautiful way, then getting your heart broken and learning how to still see things in a beautiful way.  Life is about getting curve balls thrown at you.  You learn how to hit them out of the park.  

However, learning how to do this is probably the hardest part.  Just as I said earlier, it is a personal decision that has to be made.  Learning how to accept the fact that you are human, and that it is okay, is not easy.  Not only is it a choice you make, but it is one that you live by as well!  My mom would tell me all the time growing up, that I need to choose to be happy.  My middle name is Joy, so my dad would tell me to choose "joy."  I would roll my eyes and sigh, but after a while their messages stuck.  I am quite fond of my middle name these days.  I choose not to let life get me down.  Instead I look at it with an attitude that I will come out of hardships being a better person.  

I don't want to look back at my life - my story - having never shed a tear.  Life is wonderful because of it's hardships; not despite them.  So get your bat ready, and hope that life pitches you the hardest, fastest, curviest curve balls you have ever seen.  Even if it takes you a few times to get it right, you will learn how to hit those balls.  You may walk away with scars or bruises, but over all, you will walk away a more indomitable person.  You will probably even walk away saying, as you shake your head and smile,   "life really is...good."

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."

James Oppenheim

True statement, Leo. True statement.

"For once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth

with your eyes turned skywards;

for there you have been and there you will long to return."

-leonardo da vinci 

"The future is as bright as your faith."

Last night I had a bit of a breakdown.  In fact, it was a rather large breakdown.  It stemmed from several frustrations, and fears, and questions, but I think the main thing that was getting me down was the unknown in the future.  Ever since I was a little girl, the unknown has always shaken me, but I have been able to just sort of wait for the surprise of it all.  In just these past few months though, the future has seemed incredibly daunting.  For a few reasons.  I will be making some of the most important, life changing (and even eternity changing) decisions in the next few years, and I can't help but think that I am going to do something wrong.  That is something that I have been trying to tweak in myself.  I know I trust the Lord, and know that He will guide me.  Trusting myself is a whole other question.  What if I miss something?  What if I'm not listening?  What if my heart is not accepting of the will of the Lord?  I've had so many questions about my ability to move my feet so that my Father in Heaven can guide my path.  I picture myself in a very dark room literally being guided by the Savior. I think rather than asking Him if He was guiding me correctly, I would constantly be asking, "am I doing it right?  Am I doing it right?"  However, in these last few months, I have had several reminders that have, in essence, told me that as long as I am doing what's right, those questions (even if those questions are about ourselves) don't need to be asked.  "It's easy to wonder about ourselves sometimes, but we need never wonder about the Lord."  We need to not only believe in Him, but we need to just believe Him.  "The future is as bright as your faith."  That goes for having faith in yourself too.  I imagine much of Doubting Thomas' doubt didn't just come from questioning that the Lord had risen.  I believe much of his doubt came from wondering about himself, and his ability to be a witness of Christ.  How often are we like Thomas?  How often is the lack of enough faith to move forward, actually a lack of faith in ourselves.  That is just as hindering.  Elder Bednar says to just "stop worrying about it."  He explains in his last conference talk that sometimes looking too hard for the answers, gets in the way of seeing the simplicity of the answers that the Lord has already put in front of us. I trust that those answers will be given, but it is just as important for me to trust that I will recognize them.

Created for Greater Things # 2 and # 3.

"What is the best that lies within us?  Of how much are we capable?  None of us yet know.  An old Arabic legend tells of a rider finding a spindly sparrow lying on its back in the middle of the road.  He dismounted and asked the sparrow why his feet were in the air.


Replied the sparrow, 'I heard the heavens were going to fall today.' 
'And I suppose you think your puny bird legs can hold up the whole universe?' laughed the horseman.
'Perhaps not,' said the sparrow with conviction, 'but one does whatever one can.'"

*  *  *  *  *  *

"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that.  When disappointment and discouragement strike - and they will - you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection.  They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed."  


:)

Created for Greater Things #1

"Prophets such as Moses, Nephi, and the brother of Jared saw the latter days in tremendously detailed vision.  Some of what they saw wasn't pleasing, but surely all those earlier generations took heart from knowing that there would finally be one dispensation that would not fail."

Doesn't this quote buoy you up?  Doesn't it make you so much more determined to be one of the people from those early prophets' visions?  We MUST know who we are.  We have responsibilities to fulfill in the kingdom of God!  I love it so much.  

Go, fight, WIN!!