The Pavilion

Several months ago, we had a lesson on President Eyring's talk "Where is Thy Pavilion?" You can find it HERE.  I started to think about my personal pavilions, and I realized that so often the pavilion that I put up between me and the Godhead is simply fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of disappointing others, fear of heartbreak, fear of not doing my part, and so much more.  It hit me hard during the lesson and I couldn't help but shed a few tears because of how sorry I was that I had let that happen - that I had been  so afraid and without faith.  I then envisioned myself literally stepping out of the shade of the pavilion, like the one in my church yard, and into the open light of the gospel.  I envisioned myself opening my arms up the the sky and feeling the warmth of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ touch me.  No barriers, nothing between.  Since that lesson I have tried to make sure to keep that vision in my mind in order to not let myself fall under the pavilion again.  At times I have felt myself worrying and questioning and inching back toward the dark shade, where sometimes it is easy to sit.  But upon catching myself, I jump back out and am again overwhelmed with the love and relief I feel from allowing the Savior to heal me.  It is in these moments that I have felt empowered and confident and at peace.  It is here that I feel that I know my Father in Heaven and brother Jesus Christ.  It is here that I know that I am entitled to receive the whisperings of the Spirit and the promises from the Lord.  It is here that I feel closest to Him.  It is a conscious effort that I have to make several times a day - to not be afraid, but to trust.  It is something I pray for:  help and strength to step out from under that dark place.  And it has made all the difference.  To me, this is what "the future is as bright as your faith" means.  At first I thought it meant that the more faithful you are, the less trials you will have.  That is simply not the case.  Sometimes the most faithful people we know are given the trials we would deem most difficult.  No, instead it means that no matter what comes upon us - no matter what trials we face - as long as we are faithful, the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ will always be upon us.  It means that we can know that we will be able to get through it with joy and peace.  It means we determine the brightness by the decision we make to trust.  To come out from under whatever pavilions we are under.
God is kind.  So kind.  He and the Savior are constantly shedding their light and love upon us.  It is up to us whether or not we stand in it.
As for me, I will do my best to turn my face upward - open-armed, vulnerable, tearful, grateful, confident, submissive, and truly joyful - toward the light.