YOU are enough

 It was something I had been thinking about for a bit, but honestly, I was quite discouraged with my inability to get an answer.  I wanted to make sure that I was listening and doing the Lord's will above anything else.  It wasn't something that I was confident in because it was kind of against my plans.  Don't we all have plans for ourselves?!  However, one night during Savior of the World, I got my answer.  It was during Zacharias' and Elizabeth's song.  "We must leave it in the Lord's hands and not worry."  It was then that I decided to not sit in my fear, but to let the Lord lift me up out of it - that I could truly give this to Him.  So I did, and that's when I got my answer.  During the next scene of the show, I had absolute clarity of mind.  I was overwhelmed with peace that I knew could only be from the Lord.  I can count on one hand how many times I have had such clear direction in my life - absolutely knowing that something was what the Lord wanted me to do.  Auditioning for the core cast of the Nauvoo Pageant was one of them.  
There were times before auditioning, that I would get scared and want to back out, but I was quickly and gently reminded of the feelings that I had that night during Savior of the World, and there was no way I could or would go against that. 
The audition process was such a sweet experience.  I went in there feeling scared and intimidated and tiny and came out feeling loved and strengthened and empowered through the teachings of our Savior.  Before going in, Cami kept reminding me, "Hannah, you are enough."  There was no need for the feeling of inadequacy because what we each had to offer at the audition was all that was needed.  Our testimonies that we could share through the process was what would make the difference.  They had us sing and read lines from the show, and every time we would get done with a scene we would all talk about the principles taught in the lines and about the testimonies shared through them.  The lines from the show are absolutely inspired.  We were in there representing people who were trying to build Zion, and it felt like a little mini Zion right then and there - complete strangers were connected through the gospel.   The people I was surrounded by are my brothers and sisters and I could feel that!  

My favorite part was when I got to read as Emma Smith.  We were telling the story about how the Relief Society began and I loved getting to share my testimony.  Even though I was reading lines for Emma, I was still able to share MY testimony through the words.  I also got to read the line, “to know what it is to lose one you love and bare a sorrow.”  It’s the line of a lady who had lost her baby boy and found peace through the promises of the temple.  When I read that line, it hit me so powerfully that not only do we lose ones we love physically, but we lose loved ones spiritually as well, and indeed, we do bare that sorrow.  I was overwhelmed with the feeling that we can’t afford to lose any more of our dear brothers and sisters, and that we truly need to be a part of the rescue.   It was a humbling experience, reminding me of the work I need to do!  I felt vulnerable and see-through and open and happy.  Truly happy!  Walls were broken down, and my heart was softened.  By the end of the audition/call back process I was exhausted.  I went through such a range of powerful emotions and feelings and I would do it again and again and again in a heart beat.  To be able to give in that way was a blessing to me.
I have no idea whether I'll make it or not.  For this kind of thing, it is not just about the amount of talent your have, or the hours of experience you've accumulated...it is about what the Lord knows is best.  I was definitely NOT one of the more polished performers there, and I was honored to work with such people, but I felt that what I had to offer was ME.  It was Hannah and it was honest.  And I can feel good about that.  Whatever happens, something that was reassured to me through this experience is that I know the Lord has a plan for me.  Through His enabling power, I was given the strength to do something that was out of my comfort zone and to do something that has changed my life.  
I end my post with this:   Sometimes the gifts the Lord gives us are eternal, and some are for a short durations.  Whatever the case may be, we need to use those gifts as much as we can now and measure our worth not by the gifts we possess, but by the knowledge that we are sons and daughters of a divine being...that He loves us...
and that we ARE enough.