Transition

So, I've started dating someone.  Someone called myself.  Yes, it's true.  No, this is not a pity party, this is an empower-Hannah-because-she-feels-empowered party.  From spending a Friday night coloring a picture for myself to sitting on the floor next to my cinderblock supported bed of my college apartment while painting my nails and listening to some of my favorite songs and noticing that my hands are getting older (whoa run-on sentence)...I am on my way to getting to know myself again.  To figuring out how to have my heart to myself for a while.  To finding myself by losing myself.  Losing myself to my calling, to serving, to my school work, to being a true friend, to being an open book, to fresh starts - even the scary ones.  We live and we learn, don't we?  And LIVE, we must!!  Give up a bit of the control.  Palms up, ya'll.
Here's to drinking milk from the carton.  Here's to multi-colored finger nails and to songs that express what you can't.  Here's to building new bridges from the ashes of the very ones we have just burned - some we worked hard to burn, and some we watched burn without much say of our own.  Here's to changing the world one daddy-daughter date at a time - especially the Heavenly kind.  I like those.  Here's to feeling so small yet, big as the whole out doors at the same time.  Here's to sitting in the Logan temple parking lot in your car by yourself while eating leftover pie and crying because only four people showed up to your Relief Society activity.  Ha, here's to making funny faces without even trying and then laughing and slapping your forehead about it right after.  And here's to the transition moments in our lives when it feels like little progress is happening but in reality everything is preparing you for blessings that have yet to be put in place.
So, sit.  Get to know yourself a bit.  And heck, even like yourself!!  Like ALOT!  Because whoever really does get to date you one day is one lucky friggin' dog.  ;)  But until then, little girl crushes can bring you lots of joy.
I think this is going to be a very long, beautiful, fantastic, fruitful relationship with me, myself, and I.
God is good.
Cheers!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like.....Therapy.

Guys!  I had my first real live therapy session!  And when I say MY first therapy session, I mean I was the therapist!!  Okay, okay so it wasn't a real case.  And it wasn't a real client.  Obviously.  Or I wouldn't be sharing it. It was one of my coeds from the program.  BUT!  We were given a case (Celene, the client, was at a business conference when she got date raped and just doesn't have any motivation in life anymore), and we got to film a NON-SCRIPTED session.  We filmed them so we could analyze ourselves later on.  It was actually a really great learning experience!  I'm excited to continue to practice like this.  So it was just a pretend session, but this is a big deal to me!!  Yay!  Ahhhh...I love my major...

Also, my left side is SOOOO my better side.  Hhhaaallo.  

This one is me being the client, Celene, while my friend is the therapist.

This one is of ME being the therapist!  

Things I like about myself:

Because everyone needs to have a positive self image, be less hard on themselves, and see the good that we sometimes forget to.

I like my eyes.  They are big.  And like my dad's.
I am a pretty resilient person.  That takes some serious practice.
I have always prided myself in my high/well-defined cheekbones.  That's a Gibb feature and I don't have a lot of those.
Freckles are sometimes frowned upon...I happen to like mine, thank you very much.
I'm funny.  Okay?  I am.  If it takes you a few times getting to understand my sense of humor, that's fine.
I'm an extremely forgiving person.  Grudges, none such.
I'm very organized and clean.  Everything has its place.
I am very sensitive to other's feelings and emotions.  I'm very aware of and astute to what others might be feeling.
I just used the word astute.  (Social Workerrr).
I am a super duper people person.  I make relationships fast.
I'm good at making people feel comfortable.
I'm a very good communicator....
In fact, I'm a fairly assertive person.
I'm feisty.  I love it when my dad tells me that I remind him of his mom - who was a very spunky woman.  She changed the world with her spunk and fire.
I'm creative artsy fartsy.
I like my voice most of the time.
I am actually quite fond of my lips.  They are full.  And quite kissable.  Ahem.
I have great shin muscles.
I know it's crazy...but my laugh is so me.  Only me.  And I like that.
I think I have pretty good style.  I can pull off lots of different looks.  One day I'll wear heels and red lipstick and the next day I'll wear a hoodie and a baseball hat.  And rock them.
Babies bring me joy. I cannot get enough of them.
I can make some of THEEE wackiest, ugliest, silliest faces and/or voices ever.
I like my smile.  My teeth, the mole above my right lip, and my sometimes scrunched nose.

Okay, okay.  Self-esteem boosted!!  Day seized!!
Now back to life.
Pheww!
Lets do this.

And sometimes we go down the wrong road, then start going on the correct road, then double back to the wrong road again...just to make sure. Because we are stubborn and human. Yet the Lord is patient all the while. Mercy, I tell you. Mercy.

Move

I was so touched by this video.  Sometimes we have to take a few wrong paths in order to get on the right one.  But the truth is, it is all progress in some form isn't it?  It may not seem like it, but it is.   I know Christ loves us.  I know God will guide us.  Through all of the hardships, confusion, chaos, and heartache.  He.  Will.  Guide.  Us.  In a way He knows will help us the most.  Be open to the direction of His loving hand.

Dear You...that's right. You know who you are....

I swore I wouldn't do this.  I've seen other girls do this, and I have thought it was...well weird.  But, I have to this time.  I've come to the conclusion that I haven't met you yet.  Well, if I do know you, you sure aren't doin' anything about it!  Come on now, we don't have forever!  Ha.  Yeah that's funny that I say that cuz ha we actually do have forever.  Look.  What I'm trying to say is that I'm so excited to love you.  I'm so excited for that forever!  I'm excited to learn and grow with you and to make mistakes and to have to learn how to carefully say what it is that is bothering me.  I'm excited to trust you completely and to have my profile pictures be of you and me.  I'm excited to get excited when you come home from work or school.  I'm excited to be out-of-control giggly with you.  That annoying kind that other people around us cant stand.  Because everyone should have a chance at that kind of love.  I'm excited to have babies that look like you and to have coordinating family halloween costumes.  I think of you often.  I feel you close.  I pray for you often.  I pray that you are preparing for me and that you will know it when it's right.  I pray that I will know it too - that I will be brave and see you.  Really see you.

I actually dreamt about you last night - a person I'd never seen before.  And let me say, if you really do look like that guy from my dream...well win for Hannah cuz sheeewwt!!  You was gorrrrgeous!!  :)  Ha, I then spent half the day looking for you as I walked from class to class.  Just to see if maybe I'd recognize you.  Nope!  Not today.  Just around the corner, maybe.  Maybe you're in a different city.  Or state.  Or country.  Or continent.  Maybe you're a missionary.  BAH!  I've already done that missionary thang.  Mmm mm.  No thanks.  Not again.  Maybe you're four years older than me!  And done with school!  Oh that would be nice.  Or maybe we could go to the Library together if you aren't.  Whatever is fine with me.

Honestly, whoever, wherever you are...I know you're amazing!!  You have to be!!  (I'm kinda bankin' on that).  I know the Lord has a plan for me.  And you!  Forever really is just a heartbeat away.
And just so you know,
I loved you before I knew you.  :)

I Meeeade Diiiss.

Holla atcha random...

• Hoodies are my safe place.  Started being so in high school.  Who's with me?!
• I accidentally gag myself almost every time I brush my teeth.  What are some of your quirks? 
• Speaking of teeth brushing, did you know you can be allergic to your toothpaste?  Apparently you can. And I am.  Still using it.  Toothpaste is expensive.
• I love hats.  I wear them frequently.  Mostly because I don't want to wash my hair.  But you didn't know that.  
• I'm a cryer.  It's true.  I cry often.  It's how I process things.  It's how I work through them.  So what do you need to do?  Just let me cry.  Hold me, maybe.  Tell me to stop, absolutely not.  Make me laugh, Yes.  Always.  Above all, just listen.  Good.  Glad we had that discussion.
• I'm a fairly fickle person, I've come to realize in the last while...which is strange cuz I usually am not.  heh heh.  Crack on then, shall we?!
• I have a large amount of candy in my backpack.   I don't share.  
• I sleep on my stomach a lot and I can't stand to have to covers all tucked in and stuff.  Nope.  I will go to great lengths to loosen them up.
• I become a pretty needy baby when I'm sick.  
• I paint my nails probably about twice a week.  
• I talk on the phone while grocery shopping.  I get bored and need company.  
• I love earrings.  I feel naked if I'm not wearing earrings.  Okay, not naked.  But I don't like it.
• I chew my gum really hard.  Last month the cartilage in my jaw kept popping out of place because I chew too hard.  Oops.  Don't worry, I learned to calm it down a bit.
• I also love perfume/body sprays.  I can't just have one smell.  I have to switch it up.  Although I usually keep it pretty consistent when I'm dating someone.  Is that weird?  Yeah, I think that's weird.  I think I just try to keep things simple for 'em, ya know?  Do you have a specific scent you always stick with? 
• Current favorite snack?  Those apple-sauce pouches.  I feel like a child when I start sucking out of those things in class, but they sure are tasty!  Also expensive.  Right now, they take priority over getting new toothpaste of which I'm not allergic to.  Any recommendations for less expensive munchy munches?
• I want a baby, dang it!!
• The more and more I get into my social work classes, the more I am interested in the DCFS/child protective services/forensic interviewing stuff.  Eeee.  I know.  Scary stuff.  But it fascinates me!  
• I feel empowered when I'm wearing lipstick.  Bright.  Red. (or pinkish) Lipstick.  So I usually wear it on days I take tests.  Totally works.  Past 3 tests...ACED.  What empowers you?

Welp, there's that.  Some randoms I have noticed about myself lately.  It's good to learn about yourself, ya know?  Healthy I think.  What things can you learn about YOURself??  :)