In My Opinion...

I found an old school essay that I wrote a looooong time ago.  I think it was a miracle that I pulled it out today.  Sometimes you just have not-so-awesome days, and I needed a taste of my past self's medicine.  It's a bit sarcastic and strong at a few points, but it hits soft spots.  It helped me.  :)  I would like to bloglicly share it, so maybe it will help someone else!

Life:  Good

I had an experience with a friend once, when she was in a pitiful, sad mood.  I told her to enjoy life!  She responded with, "Hannah, you don't know what life has given me."  I wanted so badly to explain to her, "No, no, no.  You don't understand what life has given you - what God has given you.  You need to rethink that little statement you just made."  Of course, I did not say those things to her.  It sure made me think though.  What a poor outlook on life!

Now, I recognize the people who have had broken hearts, or spirits so low they feel numb.  I see the people who have cried and pleaded with their God to make the hurt go away.  I relate to the people who cannot seem to escape the curve balls life throws at them.  I have experienced these things.  I have had my share of trials, just like everyone else.  I am sure there are more to come.  I do not naively look at the world with bushbaby eyes or rose-colored glasses.  However, I have made the personal decision to recognize that, "Life is good."

"Men are that they might have joy."  In my religious views, I believe that joy is defined as the potential to become like God.  We must endure this life in order to become like God.  Thus, by a = b and b = c then a = c logic, this life is joy.  These religious principles may not apply to everyone, but this I believe.  I love life.  Yes, sometimes it sucks.  Sometimes you get slapped in the face, or you fail, or you have your heart broken in one way or another.  These are experiences that make up a person's story.  

I have experienced a broken heart myself;  it was possibly one of the hardest things I think I have ever endured.  I didn't really know it was possible to feel such horrid, literal pain from something so...not literal.  Have I learned irreplaceable lessons from this?  Yes.  Have I grown stronger as a person and individual from this?  Most definitely.  Have relationships, with friends and family I had to depend on, been tightened?  Absolutely;  in very tender ways.  I do not regret.  I cherish.  I have much gratitude for the life I am experiencing.  Life is good!  Life is about experiencing the high rise of the roller coaster and seeing things in a new and beautiful way, then getting your heart broken and learning how to still see things in a beautiful way.  Life is about getting curve balls thrown at you.  You learn how to hit them out of the park.  

However, learning how to do this is probably the hardest part.  Just as I said earlier, it is a personal decision that has to be made.  Learning how to accept the fact that you are human, and that it is okay, is not easy.  Not only is it a choice you make, but it is one that you live by as well!  My mom would tell me all the time growing up, that I need to choose to be happy.  My middle name is Joy, so my dad would tell me to choose "joy."  I would roll my eyes and sigh, but after a while their messages stuck.  I am quite fond of my middle name these days.  I choose not to let life get me down.  Instead I look at it with an attitude that I will come out of hardships being a better person.  

I don't want to look back at my life - my story - having never shed a tear.  Life is wonderful because of it's hardships; not despite them.  So get your bat ready, and hope that life pitches you the hardest, fastest, curviest curve balls you have ever seen.  Even if it takes you a few times to get it right, you will learn how to hit those balls.  You may walk away with scars or bruises, but over all, you will walk away a more indomitable person.  You will probably even walk away saying, as you shake your head and smile,   "life really is...good."

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."

James Oppenheim

Long, Long Live

Today as I was driving back to Provo for my 2nd year of college, one of my favorite songs came on.  It's a song by Taylor Swift, called Long Live.  I hadn't listened to it in a while, but as I listened to the words, I thought about what this song means for me.  This song means my high school/junior high friends.  I think of each of my friends and the experiences that we have had together through junior high and high school, and I am overwhelmed with such gratitude and satisfaction.  We did indeed crash through walls, and move mountains just by the way that we lived - what we represented.  We crashed through walls together, and we built other walls back up for each other when we couldn't do it ourselves.  We threw our heads back and laughed with our hearts.  Together I think we probably could have done anything.  We changed the world!  I don't want to be one of those people that lives in high school when they are years out of it, but I do look back on those years with fondness.  I truly believe that I had/have the best group of friends in the world.  I hope that when they have children and are looking through year and scrap books, they will tell them stories.  I know I will.  I don't think that I will ever be able to convey to my kids theses feelings that warm my soul, and even seem to invite the Spirit into my heart, just as I am unable to convey them on this blog.  However, Taylor basically says what I can't, and you should listen to her song!  

Check THIS out!

So, I have this friend, and she is pretty awesome.  She likes the simple happinesses in life, and is just one of the brightest, glow-iest persons I have ever met!  She is pretty soft spoken, but always has powerful things to say.  If you want to see what she has to say, then check out her blog HERE!

Thanks for stopping by!

Memory Lane

Excuse me for doing 2 posts in 1 day...again.  Whatever.  Anyway, I was looking through my 

parental's old computer that mysteriously broke down one day, but is now functioning again, and I happened upon these lovelies from years ago.  They brought some joy to my soul. :)

Going to Savior of the World with my Cam Cam.
Lance doing bunny ears?

Sophomore Cross-country days.   Me and Tara
cheering on the team/trying to stay warm.

24th of July Fireworks from
the Mortuary roof.   2008.   Rachel is so strong. ;)

Sporking.  Typical Danner-Lee-Garen.

Yes.  9th grade madrigals.  This was a big deal.

hahaha boring Friday night Jr. year. 

My wardie besties.  Good ol' Young Women cabin trip.

16th Birthday partaaaaay.

Last day of school Sophomore year.  We think we're the shiz.

Always looked forward to those summer boating trips with friends.
I want to say this is in 2008?

True statement, Leo. True statement.

"For once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth

with your eyes turned skywards;

for there you have been and there you will long to return."

-leonardo da vinci 

"The future is as bright as your faith."

Last night I had a bit of a breakdown.  In fact, it was a rather large breakdown.  It stemmed from several frustrations, and fears, and questions, but I think the main thing that was getting me down was the unknown in the future.  Ever since I was a little girl, the unknown has always shaken me, but I have been able to just sort of wait for the surprise of it all.  In just these past few months though, the future has seemed incredibly daunting.  For a few reasons.  I will be making some of the most important, life changing (and even eternity changing) decisions in the next few years, and I can't help but think that I am going to do something wrong.  That is something that I have been trying to tweak in myself.  I know I trust the Lord, and know that He will guide me.  Trusting myself is a whole other question.  What if I miss something?  What if I'm not listening?  What if my heart is not accepting of the will of the Lord?  I've had so many questions about my ability to move my feet so that my Father in Heaven can guide my path.  I picture myself in a very dark room literally being guided by the Savior. I think rather than asking Him if He was guiding me correctly, I would constantly be asking, "am I doing it right?  Am I doing it right?"  However, in these last few months, I have had several reminders that have, in essence, told me that as long as I am doing what's right, those questions (even if those questions are about ourselves) don't need to be asked.  "It's easy to wonder about ourselves sometimes, but we need never wonder about the Lord."  We need to not only believe in Him, but we need to just believe Him.  "The future is as bright as your faith."  That goes for having faith in yourself too.  I imagine much of Doubting Thomas' doubt didn't just come from questioning that the Lord had risen.  I believe much of his doubt came from wondering about himself, and his ability to be a witness of Christ.  How often are we like Thomas?  How often is the lack of enough faith to move forward, actually a lack of faith in ourselves.  That is just as hindering.  Elder Bednar says to just "stop worrying about it."  He explains in his last conference talk that sometimes looking too hard for the answers, gets in the way of seeing the simplicity of the answers that the Lord has already put in front of us. I trust that those answers will be given, but it is just as important for me to trust that I will recognize them.

Languages of Love

I have decided to take a quiz on MY languages of love.  Don't know what they are?  Here are some brief explanations.  What are your languages of love? ;)

• Words of Affirmation

  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

  Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

   A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Test Results: 

Percent	Language	Score
30%	Words of Words of Affirmation	9
23%	Quality Time
7
10%	Receiving Gifts	3
17%	Acts of Service	5
20%	Physical Touch	6

Huh.  I think there could be a little less on the "receiving gifts", and more on the "acts of service."  Somehow that got a bit mixed up.  Good to know, though!  More importantly....good for any future lover of mine to know.  Hint, hint.  :)

Let me introduce you to.....

This week, I was lucky enough to get to spend everyday out on the lake with my whole entire family.  All of my siblings, their spouses, and their little ones.  I loved it!!  There were so many heavenly moments where I would just sit back and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude would come over me as I thought about how "I get to keep these people forever."  Each member of my family is so important to me, and we are all so close.  However, I want to take the time to tell you about my brothers.  I have always appreciated my brothers, and have seen us having special relationships because I am their baby sister, but this week as I looked at my big brothers, I honestly thought to myself, "my brothers are the coolest men in the world."  They may never know the influence they have on their baby sister.  The way that they live their lives, including how they tease and play, and share their testimonies, and work hard and willingly, and sing, or how they look at their wives, or teach their children, or obey the Lord, does not go unnoticed by their 19 year old sister.  Each one of them are family and spiritual giants.  They are among the strongest warriors in the Army of God.  They are the best husbands and fathers and uncles and sons and brothers anyone could ask for.  The testimonies they bare are worked for.  The love that they show is sincere.  The smiles they give are contagious, and the differences they make in the world are limitless.
Let me introduce you to these fine men....

This is Troy.  Doctor Yort.  My oldest brother.  He is an Anesthesiologist in Bismark, North Dakota.  He is probably the quietest of all of us kids.   He has a very dry, say-it-as-it-is sense of humor, but manages to do it in such a way that no one is ever hurt or offended.  He sings random little ditties, and speaks backwards.  He is also one of the most intelligent people I know.  His amount of knowledge is so vast! I have relied on Troy for many a school projects. Troy used to roll me back and forth across our kitchen floor in my walker when he would babysit me.  He paints; I ruined some of his oils when I was little.  I would go downstairs and crawl into bed with him when I was scared.  He likes to leave me really long voice mails on my phone just because my answering machine says to leave a BRIEF message.  He also likes to write beautiful poems that make me cry.  He is the best wake-boarder in our family!  So far.  I'm improving.  Slowly.  Troy is a scout master!  Those scouts are in for a treat.
I love my Troybee.

This is Matt.  The second oldest.   Matty.  I am one of the few people who call him that.  I feel it is appropriate.  He is a Mortician for the family bizzz.  He is also the Bishop of a rather large family ward.   Matt is one of the most genuine people you will ever meet.  He is so sensitive to what goes on around him, and to how others feel.  Matty's jokes are usually silly puns, much like my dad's.  Matt gives me hugs every time he sees me.  Everytime!  It's my favorite.   He likes to flirt with his wife, even in front of me.  I think that's cute.  Matt is humble and competitive and encouraging and honest.  We like to tease him about being the most righteous child in the family :), even though that is something more admirable than teasable.  When I was tiny and scared, I would go downstairs to crawl into bed with Matty as well.  I was the first one to get to Matt at the airport when he got home from his mission.  He started crying as soon as he was holding me.   I remember watching Matt in Madrigals and The Princess and the Pea at Viewmont.  He has a really good voice.  He is also a bit of a perfectionist.  Ha, I think Matt and I are very similar in a lot of ways.  I like that.

This is Adam.  He is the 4th child, but the 3rd brother.  It may have taken Adam and me a while to figure out that we are best friends, but we are.  We like to make each other laugh, and we are good at it.  We are so much fun together, really!  Adam knows just what to say to make me feel better, but he also tells me what I need to hear.  Even if I don't want to hear it.  Adam loves to sing.  He expresses through singing, and let me tell you, it is a miracle of a sound when he does.  Anyone who hears him will agree.  Adam likes animals and bugs and water and basically all the good that life has to offer.  He knows how to find all the good too.  Adam accepts people.  He makes people laugh.  It is one of his gifts.  He lights up a room when he walks in, I say.  One time when we were little, we threw our dog a birthday party.  It was Adam's idea.  We invited all of the neighborhood dogs.  They came, too!  Adam and I would sit outside of our cabin for hours whittling sticks, and trying to catch squirrels.  Adam is original and bright. We should have been twins, we are that close!

This is my bro-in-law, Scott.  But you wouldn't ever guess that he was an in-law if you saw us together.   I am the little sister that he never had.  He gets away with saying things that no one else would.  He is the  Financial Director for Goal-Zero.  He just got called as a councilor in the Bishopric!  He is also rather quiet, and he is still trying to get used to how often our family hugs.  I think he secretly likes it.   Last halloween I dressed up as a nerd.  I told everyone I was Scott.  He is a nerd.  Sometimes when I have been especially punk-like to him, he throws me over his shoulder and spins around really fast, thus making all of my blood rush to my head.  He picked up on having a little sister real quick.  It wasn't always like that, though.  When he and my sister were dating in high school, I had a big crush on him.  I was only 6.  That didn't stop me from kissing him on the cheek even before Shandee did!  Of course, I grew out of that.  Scott reminds me that I am beautiful, and gets mad at me when I have a hard time believing it.  He tries to teach me how to ski better.   One time he rescued me when I was at a friend's house and had a bad feeling.  He picked me up and we just drove and talked.  We like to talk.  Well, he mostly listens, but he does have wise advice to give.  He and I have a special relationship, seeing as he is my only bro-in-law.  I love him just as much as my brothers-in-blood!

Well, as you can see, I have been very blessed.  Thank you Troy, Matt, Scott, and Adam.  You are the coolest men in the world.